Another hot-tub filled evening of catty drama…gots to love it! So Vienna got the first one-on-one date with Jake on last night’s episode of The Bachelor. The rest of the girls are not fans of Vienna, to say the least. Jake and Vienna hop on his motorcycle (yah, got the Top Gun thing, enough already!) and go to a helicopter, which takes them to a bungee jump area. (I’m very confused as to where L.A.’s local bungee area is, but anyway…) Jake was such a puss. OMG. I would’ve pushed him off the ledge. But they did their tandem jump, bless them, and had a smooch while dangling. And then they went hot tubbing (natch).

The comedy club group date

Next was the group date — they went to Jon Lovitz‘s comedy place and had to do stand-up in front of a live audience (I hope they were paid), which had one girl so shaken up that she couldn’t stop crying. But she performed blonde jokes and everyone survived. Crazy Michelle wouldn’t stop droning on about how she NEEDS to get married and her mom NEEDS a grandchild. Ew. So the group date then has fondue, Michelle acts more insane, and Jake sends her home. Bitch is crazy, so that’s a good call. They’re falling like flies — do we even need to have rose ceremonies? Does Jake know that that’s sorta how it works — you give roses to those who stay and not the other people?

Then there’s another one-on-one which is the token parent date. Ella‘s son arrives and the three of them go to Sea World and she gets a rose. Then back to the mansion for a cocktail party and rose ceremony. (BTW, the girls aren’t given books or TV or anything, so they basically just drink and bicker all day — such a good formula for a reality show.) So Jake calls out the the non-kisser for being a tease (another good call) and she goes home, but don’t worry ’bout her, she has no trouble finding a date (um, so why’re you here again?). And another pretty girl packs her bags — I swear she has not been on the show until this point. But hey, Jake sends her kids lots of love so it’s ok.

Up next week: Road trip! And more Alli v. Vienna smackdown, which is really wonderful if you enjoy a good cat fight as much as the next person.

Apparently when you get kicked off The Bachelor for hittin’ it with a staffer (that’s host Chris Harrison’s term for employee) — you don’t ride in a tinted-window limo anymore. As Rozlyn, who was booted from the show last night showed, you get whisked away in a minivan with clear windows.  It’s past midnight, Cinderella!

I’ll get to that drama later in this Bachelor recap:

The photo shoot (Rozlyn in silver); courtesy of ABC

- The first group date was an InStyle photo shoot. It was a tad cheeseball — it felt like Glamour Shots a bit. (And I don’t expect it in the main magazine — maybe in the last issue of the Weddings issue.) Then it segues into a hot tub party — natch. Rozlyn takes bachelor Jake for some private time and she attempts some conversation, which doesn’t go so well so she starts making out with him. Nice move Roz! Hey, when you can’t quite muster an actual convo, go for the physical! And what’s that get her? A rose — damn straight. Ah, men, such predictable creatures. (Love you.)

- Then there was Alli‘s one on one. I have a lil crush on her — she looks like Sienna Miller and is stupidly sweet. I think we’ll see her on many episodes to come.

- Then the next group date to Six Flags Magic Mountain. They got the whole park to themselves. Elizabeth made herself stand out by saying she won’t kiss Jake til he proposes. Somehow her tease is working…I’ll be curious to see how it progresses. Call me progressive, but I think people should kiss before getting engaged. (Woah, Megs, let’s not try to start bringing logic into The Bachelor process.)

Anyway.

Fast forward to the cocktail party/rose ceremony: host Chris pulls Rozy out and calls her slutiness out–she tried to say that her personal life is nobody else’s business. Um, you’re on a reality show to find a husband… Then she takes her sweet time packing while a very large man watches (to make sure she doesn’t steal? Or is he Chris’s bodyguard?). Jake hears the news and feels verklempt–he needs to collect himself and takes some time to pace around the grounds and chill on the outdoor furniture.

Bachelor Jake, courtesy of ABC

Then to the roses. I think the women’s names are written in the roses because he squeezes them and looks at them before he says a name.

So he sends two wonky-eyed crazy chicks home.

Anyway, at this point I’m team Alli. Tune in next week — to the blog, that is. You can skip the show thanks to this stellar, in-depth recap.