courtesy of gossipgirlfashion.net

Lily should wear her hair down more often.  She looks great in the thin cashmere sweater and flat bejeweled necklace.

Rufus sure upgraded fast from Brooklyn flannel to Park Ave husband zip cashmere sweaters. He is even gaining weight in his jowls from too many bonbons—when Lily asks him if he can go to the co-op meeting for her, he says he has the time, which obvs drives Lily crazy, cuz she’s all “I thought you would say that.” Rut row! Resting on your laurels is going to be your fastest way out of this marriage. Man up and get busy Rufus!

When Rufus does go to the co-op meeting like Lily’s lackey he meets a crazy lady who talks about her husband boffing his yoga instructor. We get it– pretty soon, Rufus is going to be boffing her.

Somewhere in the country in Long Island, Tripp and Serena are holed up hiding from the world, and Serena is hanging out in a really fabulous black silk nightgown that unfortunately goes great with her long blond tousled hair. Tripp is leaving under false pretenses—what he’s actually doing is rushing to see Maureen. What a tool, this guy didn’t even last 15 minutes into an episode after Serena “left everything” for him. When he meets up with Maureen, he looks like he’s headed to an interview to intern at “Horse and Hound.” Maureen is wearing a pill box hat that nods to Jackie O, but this lady is NO jackie, even though she later tells S “I’m Jackie, You’re Marilyn,” when she confronts her. Basically, Maureen is like, “I’m keeping you,” and Tripp has no backbone so he’s all like, “ok.” WEAK.

Little J is being a total B at school, and how she’s prancing about with a new bag—“Even the wait list is still waiting,” she says, and for some reason all the little Constance brats are color coordinated, like power rangers. I prefer it this way– I can’t be bothered with their names either, so now they’re just Purple, Blue, Pink, etc. The mole Eric sends in (a dead ringer for a mini Vanessa) who is wearing all green—tries to make J nervous that she got the bag too, but Jenny doesn’t take the bait. Jenny is all “I have designer dibs on everything.” She is a monster! Turns out Kevin Zeggers (the rich kid drug dealer) is hooking her up with the bags, AND she’s been doing a lil dealing on the side– she likes the rush. OK, color us…. mildly interested in this lil J subplot.

When Nate and Dan meet at the coffee shop and Nate’s tapping away at his computer, I’m so befuddled, I swear he must  just be playing Battleship. I have NEVER SEEN him on a computer before. He looks as legit as I did in typing class in 4th grade. On another note,  Nate should open his own 1-900 tipline. All he does is play phone therapist these days. Since when did he become the voice of all reason? That’s Uncle Chuck’s job.

Speaking of Uncle Chuck, he’s wrestling with the ghost of his father, Bart Bass, on this one year anniversary of his father’s death. Bart keeps showing up in his thoughts, and our tv screen, incredibly tan and over-the-top mean. And Chuck is drinking whiskey out of a stemless wine glass. Wrong, just wrong. Eventually, when the gang wants him to go to the hospital to be with Serena, he tells his father to leave him alone and returns to the darling Chuck we all know and love.

courtesy of gossipgirlfashion.net

Still pre-accident, listless Serena decides to call NATE from her gilded cottage  after Tripp leaves– because she’s bored. She makes all her disastrous decisions out of boredom. Anyway, they’re laughing like he didn’t just profess his love on the sidewalk and then watch her speed away in a limo with his nerdy skinny-fingered married cousin. Which he did just last week. Anyway, she’s calling because she’s looking for something to do and she knows he knows the Van der Bilt family cottage well. Then she says something inane about how she likes Fitzgerald over Hemingway–  but her delivery is so lifeless you get the feeling that Blake Lively was like “um, line? No way Serena knows who… ok forget it.” But she sure looks great in her riding pants. Too bad there’s no camisole under that plunging open sweater situation she’s wearing.

Maureen shows up at her cottage house and Serena is all “Maureen you have no right to be here.” Exqueeze me? You’re the 4 day old mistress… did you get in a car accident and hit your head? Oh, not yet. Well maybe when you do it’ll knock some sense into you.

OK… so then S and Tripp get in their car accident, with Serena dressed up like she’s one half of Bonnie and Clyde, and when Tripp realizes HE’S fine but she’s hurt, like the real man he is he calls Maureen for help, who tells him to put her in the driver’s seat and get the h-e- double hockey sticks out of there. And, now we have a nod to Chappaquidick! GG wants us to know, the Van der Bilts are the Kennedys. Got it.

At the hospital, Nate realizes what Tripp has done, and he tells Tripp to stay away from her, and then he punches Tripp, and it’s beautiful.

Meanwhile, Dan, who’s trying to pretend he doesn’t love Vanessa, ends up kissing this drama student after she shows him her performance art sex tape– she seems bat sh*& insane, and reminds me of a roommate I once had in the east village, who performed with baby turtles. But Dan soon scoots out of her room and joins  the conga line of Vanessa, Blair, et all head to the hospital–  in this scene, the GG gang resembles the 90210 gang more than ever.

Blair’s at the hospital is adorable in her adorable dressed-in-the-dark outfit consisting of a plaid scarf, hounds tooth jacket and pjs. She hugs S and S is all “You were right about this one.” Um, EVERYONE was right about this one. Blair sure got home from Paris fast, huh.

So Chuck is obviously really grieving, and the hospital is a really hard place for him, he has a flashback of his dad dying and I get really sad for him, because he starts to cry. I hate hospitals, too, Chuck. And he tells Blair he’s been pushing her away, and then she holds him and it’s just the best.  She’s all “you carry people, you carry me, you’re becoming a man in a way that your father never was.” And Chuck kinda says goodbye to his Dad in his head, at least the unlovable, mean parts about Bart Bass. It’s amazing. I LOVE these two! Start your own spin off already!

Jenny and Eric make up in about .4 seconds, so I don’t buy that. He’s all “Youre a total B,” and shes like “You’re an even bigger B!” And then they some how resolve all issues.

Maureen gives Rufus Serena’s letter, and it definitely has way too much dirt on Lily– which drives him to have a drink that night with the crazy rich lady from the building.

Dan tells V he loves her at the hospital, and she tries to brush it off  that he’s only saying it because Serena’s accident scared him about his own life. But I personally think she doesn’t want to get hurt by Dan again. Thoughts?

Nate watches over Serena as she sleeps, and she is SO LUCKY to be waking up to that lil angel face! I am loving Nate again, but DON’T want him with Serena. Still, we’re headed down that road so I’m just going to have to brace myself.

The last scene is Chuck taking roses to his father’s grave, and he sees who we can only guess is his mother crying over the tomb stone.

Also, fashion update: Serena’s amazing coat from last ep: it’s an “Adam Double Breasted Car Coat.” Isn’t it gorgeous? But don’t look at her face in this picture, it’ll drive you nuts.

Adam Double Breasted Car Coat courtesy of gossipgirlfashion.net

Serena has to choose between Trip and Nate

Am I crazy? If I had to pick one of the Gossip guys to date, I think I’d go for Chuck Bass. High school Charles was a little, how do you say, Roofie-user-ish. But now that he’s focused on his career and Blair, he’s definitely more appealing. (Plus, I could really take advantage of that chauffeured car.) Who would you pick? Here’s my biased rundown of each guy’s pros and cons.

Nate Archibald

His Pros: Stands up for what he believes in. Hot. He’s a Vanderbilt.

His Cons: F-ed up family sitch. Manic-depressive (or maybe those are just his story lines?).

Chuck Bass

His Pros: You ain’t eatin’ at Dennys with Chucky. Chauffeur. Empire Hotel including speakeasy. No in-laws to deal with. Thoughtful. Determined. Loyal.

His Cons: More baggage than Samsonite. Super-sketch past.

Dan Humphrey

His Pros: Kinda normal upbringing. Gets along with his family. Romantic. Not wrapped up in pop culture/who’s who.

His Cons: He’s just irritating. Wears more flannel than Paul Bunyon. He whines. He’s SOOOOO smothering. He’d want to spoon all the time and cuddle and he’d drool on you. I’d rather get a slobbery mutt.

Eric van der Woodsen

His Pros: Respects his mother. Thoughtful.

His Cons: Can be v. conniving. Somewhat unstable. (A bit petite for moi, well and I’m not a guy so it’s a moot point.)

Trip Vanderbilt

His Pros: I was going to say moral, but I’m confused about where he falls on that spectrum at the moment. Successful. Good family. Also cute.

His Cons: Likes teenage girls and acts on it. Politician. (That’s like dating an actor. A big don’t ever.)

Dufus, I mean Rufus Humphrey

His Pros: Was in a band. Cooks. Romantic. Family man.

His Cons: Pushover. Looks at Vanessa a little too lovingly. Probably drools like his son.

Which is your type? Please share by clicking on Comments below.

We open with Serena and Blair having it out on the street over Tripp Van der Bilt – a friend texted me last night asking “what is up with Tripp’s eyes” all I can say is that they’re buggy. Anyway, S is wearing an amazing jacket that I’m still on the hunt for (I’ll let you know when I find it), and Blair reminds Serena that even though Tripp SAYS he is going to leave his wife, fat chance. Blair tells S that she’s basically “an eighteen year old coincidence,” and that there’d be another one of her in 6 months. This is true. Even as far-fetched as GG can be, politicians don’t really leave their wives for blond little trixies in the real world, or any world. But I really don’t think S is looking at the long haul, she’s just bored and looking to stir up some troubs and cause some damage.

Then, because every girl needs a backup, S shows up at Nate’s door to go for a walk in that fabulous coat, and Nate, who’s totally in love with her says yes, obvs.

courtesy of gossipgirlfashion.net

Then Vanessa busts up into Dan’s house, saying she’s done fighting with her mother and she’s staying there. And he gives her these studied, silly puppy eyes. But first of all V, who just invites themselves to the holidays like that? I have close friends too, we all do, yet I would never sashay into their kitchen and tell them I’m there til New Year’s.

Rufus invites Gramma CeeCee to Thanksgiving on video chat. My grandmother can barely use her portable phone.

There’s a Dorota subplot going on, as well as a Blair/Eleanor one. They’re both totally vanilla to me but I’ll run you through them. Blair walks into her apartment and Dorota is too out of it to greet her. Blair says: “Hello is the word you’re looking for Dorota.” I know a lot of people love the Dorota character but I think Blair treats her like crap, and I know it’s all a big joke about what a crazy bitch Blair is, but it’s getting a little old when it comes to how she treats help. Anyway, Blair finds a pregnancy test in Dorota’s bag, and she immediately assumes it’s her mother’s, because her mother has been so weird about coming home from Paris, and changing something on her will. Blair is dying to know why she needs to change it– so with the preg test she assumes she’s writing someone else into the will.

Meanwhile, Serena is still sporting talons on her fingers, but I read that those are for her character on the Ben Affleck movie she’s shooting in South Boston, so I’ll lay off.

When Serena and Nate are sitting on the bench in the park, S tells Nate she’s not having an affair, it was only one kiss. Yeah right lady. Because his tiny little elf ears are ringing, Tripp calls and says Maureen is pushing to have Thanksgiving dinner together (she’s.your.wife), so he has to cancel their plans. So S then asks Nate to come over instead, as her Turkey Day sloppy seconds. Nate says yes and looks at her with that longing puppy look similar to the one Dan is giving to V.

I have no idea how Lily knows Maureen (Tripp’s wife) well enough to invite her over to a family holiday, but that she does when she runs into Maureen on the street and they’re wearing the same brown tweed coat. End scene.

So V is sashaying around Dan’s kitchen while he’s making pumpkin pie, and she’s in a great silk eggplant top bitching about her mother, and she says something like “sorry I’m talking so much I haven’t had anyone to talk to since Oliva.” Yeah right like they  were that close. Then she says “Have you talked to her since left to film Bitches of Eastwick?” and he says no, and she goes, all serious-like, “hey, you know everything happens for a reason right.” REALLY V? That’s the last cliche anyone wants to hear after they’ve been dumped on their booty. Appropriately, Dan is all like, “That’s what they say,” but brushing it off.

Then he does the puppy dog stare at her, and she furrows her brow all ugly at him.

courtesy of the CW

The door knocks, and Dan says “Don’t hate me,” and V’s mom Beverly enters. V is all “I won’t hate you because you’ll be dead,” and V’s mom is all “I called Rufus he says it’s ok if we do Thanksgiving together.” V says she’ll give her mom one last shot. Obviously what we’re working with here is the writers scrambling to get everyone together in one room so chaos can ensue.

Now we get to the good (non-boring) stuffing.

In the hotel of Chuck’s lobby, Tripp goes lurking around looking for S. She sees him, sighs, and heads to the elevator, and he follows. Honestly Tripp is just one of those guys who was a total loser in highschool and college, and so he got power-hungry, and now he has a teensy bit of power and a hot girl likes him and so he’s just dumb and angry enough at the world to go for it. There is no way in hell Serena’s attention span will last past the month, but this guy’s new to dating hot girls so he has no idea. Anyway, in the elevator he tells her that he and Maureen are doing T-giving with her fam now, which is gross, but he’s like, “all I want is to spend time with you, I don’t care if everyone’s around.” That’s sick. It’s her mother and your wife, weirdo. But I guess that doesn’t phase S, cuz she promptly pulls the stop button and goes in for the kill. She says something all breathy like “one last time” before she does it too. She’s such a little minx. He looks like he has bad breath, and, like my friend said, tiny, thin girly hands.

I’m not going to bore you more with Blair trying to figure out what’s on her mother’s will. It really is that boring and my coffee’s wearing off, so I can’t risk it.

Back to the real turkey juice: Chuck tells Nate he’s got Serena and Tripp making out on security footage, and poor Nate looks all crestfallen like he didn’t think S would really do that. Oh come on! Don’t you remember doing it with her on a hotel bar when you were sixteen and dating her best friend Blair?!

Chuck leaves and Nate makes a call to hotel security, apparently to get his manicured hands on that footage.

So Gramma CeeCee busts up in the apartment and Lily starts drinking. Not that fast but basically.

Then in comes V and Dan and  Beverly, along with  Chuck, Blair and her mother, with Blair doing all these pregnancy tests like shoving salmon under her mother’s nose in an attempt to make her nauseus and tempting her with champagne to see if she’ll drink.

Then the randoms make an entrance: Maureen and Tripp come in and Serena’s boobs greet them at the doorway. Ok ppl, this is really the highlight of the episode for me. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING to a family event. I don’t care that this is NYC and she’s rich and hot, it’s still in front of her grandmother, her stepfather, minors, … I mean this is essentially what Cher wore when she straddled the canon in the “If I Could Turn Back Time” video, just with a teensy bit more fabric. YES to a secret Kings of Leon show on the Lower East Side. No, to THANKSGIVING DINNER. I can’t….

Anyway, if you wanna know it’s a Stella McCartney jumpsuit.

Ok. Serena then watches Tripp take off Maureen’s coat for her and she kinda looks down like “oh my god he’s married.” Yep, that he is you little hussy. Does Maureen really need to be 3 inches from your face to remember that? Is anyone home beneath all those extensions and layers of lip gloss?

Maureen conviently scoots off and Tripp is all, “the hardest part’s over, Serena.” What?  The coat thing was the hardest part? Tripp don’t you watch the Weather Channel? Don’t you realize the weather always gets worse before it gets better? They haven’t even had to deal with a sprinkle yet.

Uncle Chuck sees them sharing a moment so he mozies over to bust it up. He says, “Hmm,” which is hysterical, “how about a little Thanksgiving proclamation. You two ever play grab ass in my elevator again, Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott . Happy holidays.”

Maureen beelines for Nate and immediately asks him if her husband and S are having an affair. Nate, who’s now in possession of the elevator footage, says “yes but we can end it quickly.”

Blair takes her coat off to reveal the cutest little dress and tights. I’ll post when I find it. Anyway, Jenny drags her out of the room, and Blair says, “haven’t you ever heard of a whispered aside?” Jenny needs to know if Eric was behind the fallout at cotillion, which Blair confirms.

Everyone sits down at a gorgeous table, and Dan tells V that Gramma “CeeCee’s heart pumps secrets and gin.” We love it. And then Dan gives her that puppy face again and she STILL can’t figure it out. Ok, let me jog your memory. Remember when you had a threesome a few episodes ago and you were apparently “very vocal?” And anyway, this time Dan’s face is less puppy-like and more checking out her boobs. Everyone woman knows when her boobs have just been glanced at, why isn’t she putting two and two together? By the way, V is wearing an absolutely fantastic boho dress tonight, which, again, I’m still scouring the web for.

Lily is getting drunk by herself in a corner on scotch, and Rufus stands up to tell a joke about pilgrims, and suddenly he goes into soft focus so all the scandalous conversations can take place. Blair screams at her mother that she knows she’s pregnant, V is a total bitch to  her mother, CeeCee lets it slip that Lily left her house almost two months before she went home to Rufus, so she definitely is lying to him about something, Jenny and Eric hate each other, etc. Then, Serena and Tripp are laughing together, and Maureen gives them an icy stare and says, “how can you two just sit there and smile, have you no decency? Tripp and I are going to grow old together– without you,” she tells S. “Or, he will be a political joke and you’ll be the punchline.” True. “The affair ends now,” she says, and puts Nate’s cellphone on the table as it plays the footage.

Lily comes in and sees the footage and takes Serena back into her room to give her a talking to. S tells Lily they didnt kiss until after he decided to leave his wife. And S is all, anyway, it’s different, he cares about me. And Lily says, “Do you know how it feels to be left, because I do. He’s leaving someone who up until today thought the same thing.” Very good, Lily. I feel like she’s finally figuring out how to mother, but it’s wasted on Serena.

She says, “walk away, Serena, walk away, and until you do, you’re not welcome in this house.”

Eric and Little J finally talk, and she’s like, “I don’t get it, You hate me but you’re pretending to be my friend this whole time.” Really? You don’t get how that works? That’s what girls like you do, that’s the definition of a frenemy, which are the only kinds of friends you have…I’m perplexed at her perplexing.

Blair is down in the lobby eating a whole apple pie when Eleanor comes up and she’s like “Blair you are completely off base I am not pregnant, but I did come back to tell you Cyrus and I are moving to Paris full time.” And Blair’s all, “You love new york, you said everyone who lives somewhere else is fooling themselves.” And Eleanor’s all I changed my mind and then they realize it was Dorota’s preg test, and they force Dorota to take a plate down to Vanya, and all is good in the hood with those two again. Sa-nooze.

But about Lily’s secret two month trip, Rufus tells CeeCee, “I trust Lily –when she is ready to tell me she will.” Hmm, not so sure about that Rufus, Lily is kind of the Queen Bee of secrets.

Dan  comes up behind Vanessa and her mother, who are once again arguing, and he’s like, “It’s Thanksgiving,” in hopes that will make them make peace. But V just keeps ripping her mother a new one. By the way, where is V’s Dad in all this? There’s no mention. Anyway, V always tries to act so mature and adult but when she’s whining at her mother all the time it sure reveals her true, bitchy self.

Serena comes downstairs and approaches Maureen,and everyone goes quiet.  She says “I’m sorry, I can only imagine what you’re feeling, what I did was wrong, I never meant to hurt anyone. I promise I’ll never see Tripp again.”

And Blair finds her and  tells her “Doing the right thing takes courage and strength,” then she says, “so I’ve heard.” Then they make up in two milliseconds and Blair invites S to Paris. Ugh Serena has the best life I can’t deal. Her reward for an affair is a trip to Paris?

Beverly and Dan have a heart to heart about Vanessa, and Beverly is all “oh my god you’re in love with her.” Which, of course, only happens in film and tv. In real life, the closest it gets is like, “wait, do you like her or something?” No one is ever like “You are in love!!” It just doesn’t happen that way.

Now bug-eyed Tripp comes up to Serena and Blair who are having a private convo by Lily’s safe.  He tells S all he cares about is her and yada yada. The weirdest thing that happens in this ep is that Blair believes Tripp when he says he loves Serena and that he’s really leaving Maureen. He’s all “I just dumped Maureen downstairs,” and somehow Blair is all like, “aw, go to him.” So. strange. So Tripp tells S he’ll be waiting in the car for her downstairs.

S then opens the private safe and finds a letter from her father to her, that has been opened but she’s never seen. And whatever’s in the letter makes her super pissed, and she shoves the letter at Lily and tells her she’s never allowed to judge her again, and she’s gone. Lily pockets the letter in her coat.

Uncle Chuck and Nate are talking about S and Chuck’s all “tell her how you feel, Serena deserves someone who would sacrifice anything to be with her. Give her a chance to be with a guy who does deserve her,” so Nate runs outside to catch her. He tries to tell her how he feels but it’s pretty wooden and lame,  he’s all “since last week…really three years ago when you left… please…” he never really finishes a sentence. He looks great, but he’s dim, which is why they’re perfect together. But then he’s like “don’t get in the car, stay here with me. Give me a chance.” And Tripp is all smug in the car like,  “Serena, you coming?” and Serena’s not really listening to Nate anyway, all she can hear is One More Guy Professing His Love, and she gets in the car with Tripp cuz it’s the stupider thing to do.

V’s mom tells Dan to keep his feelings for Vanessa to himself, because if he “breaks her heart this time, their friendship won’t survive it.” There is way too much unsolicited advice going on in this show. So instead of hanging out with Dan, Beverly and V go have drinks with the NYU theatre director Paul Hoffman and his parents. Random and boring. I hope they don’t drag that subplot out too long. Before they walk out the door though, V tells Dan she “likes his new face.”

Then Kristen Bell the narrator drones on about the truth, she says everything in life is “about the truth, whether it’s a truth you’re trying not to face or a truth that will change your life.”

Eric texts Jonathan that it’s time to strike out against Jenny.

Chuck asks Blair super casually if it’s ok if he stays and consoles Nate instead of going to Paris, and she’s all “that’s why I love you.” The old Blair would have pitched a fit and dragged him by his paisely tie all the way to Charles de Gaulle.

OK, for some reason Maureen is STILL up in that apartment after almost everyone has left! When she finally goes to find her coat, she grabs Lily’s instead (duh) and reads Serena’s letter, and she’s psyched, clearly she’s gonna use it against Tripp and S. But honestly Maureen lingering so long after she was dumped by her husband in front of everyone, not to mention int the apartment of the mother of the girl her husband left her for, and then saying casual polite goodbyes to everyone? Too weird.

We see Tripp and Serena taking off down the street, and guess what, Serena already looks bored. See ya Tripp! Although first, they still have to get in a car crash, as shown in next week’s teaser trailer. Then she’ll probably bounce back to Nate, but at that point I’m hoping Nate has seduced Maureen, just to keep things interesting.

Go here to glimpse next week’s GG

Blair as the Evil Queen

Basically, Serena is a total mess. She’s starting an affair with Tripp, just because she can. You have to remember she is very very bored– no school, no job— and very, very lonely– boyfriend Carter Baizon’s already been gone a week ( a WHOLE week!!).  Essentially the girl has yet to learn about any sort of restraint with that coltish body of hers. Adding insult to injury,  she rushes to Nate to talk about the tension between herself and the young Congressman- for two reasons. 1) as she admits “she doesn’t have anyone else to go to” because girls like Serena don’t have any friends. 2) She’s one of those girls who like to make men miserable. She knows Nate still has feelings for her, so she’s going to torture him by wagging her lusty feelings about Trip in Nate’s face. And Nate falls for it. Boys.are.so.stupid.

Nate’s problem-solving works like this: He wants to get S drunk. S, of course, obliges (because she has nothing else to do). So Nate and S end up at the Brandy Library, where Nate confesses he still has feelings for her, and calls her “beautiful and alive” aka “hot and recklessly slutty.” Serena is so used to compliments she just kind of purrs “aw,” at Nate, kinda like she pities him. Still, when he leans in for a kiss, she doesn’t immediately pull back, and that’s when Tripp walks in. Tripp is ready to get drunk and more than ready to do bad things with S because he found out his wife Maureen was behind the “Hudson Hero” incident. Because of this, he tells Nate he can never trust her again, nor does he ever want to talk to her again. But really, he’s psyched for an out and an excuse to have an affair with Serena. Also to be noted: while Serena doesn’t show her usual overload of cleavage in this ep, she’s rocking some long taupe dragon lady press on nails that are fairly horrifying.

At the Brandy Library

While Dan might have had fun in his threesome, it’s definitely wreaking havoc in its aftermath. When Olivia comes back to the dorm and sees V for the first time since that night, the girls kind of act like kitties in heat. V tells Olivia that she’s got plans with Dan to see Morrissey that night, and Olivia immediately scraps that and says she entered Dan in some sort of short play/cabaret competition for Tisch to get into their playwrite department. When Olivia says to V; “Sorry about Morrissey,” she really means, “He’s mine, bitch.”

So V runs to Dan, and because his love for her is re-kindled after the threesome, he decides to give her the director’s chair for the night so she’s not left out. Really quickly– Blair is using Dan’s play as another effort to rule the school– she’ll play the Queen in the Snow White-inspired play, and hopes to wow everyone by getting them into a private Lady Gaga rehearsal. (The Blair we love and know would never resort to such lackluster child-like games, but it is fun to see Blair playing dress up the whole episode so we’ll let it go). So when Blair, who’s playing the Evil Aging Pop Queen to Olivia’s Rising Snow White Pop Star, finds out that V is going to be involved, she moans “Nooo,” because she doesn’t want their cat fight getting in the way of her performance. It doesn’t–because when Hilary doesn’t show up for her cue because she’s pissed at Dan, Blair shoves V onstage for the kiss between Snow White and the Record Company Prince (Dan).

Gaga does her GG thing

After the show, Blair leads everyone over to the Lady Gaga rehearsal (it’s an amazing, if blase, performance of “Bad Romance” with Gaga working everything she has with only a ladder and a red sheet). Olivia’s there, and she tells Dan she’s leaving to do a movie called “Bitches of Eastwick.” She tells Dan it’s not V who’s necessarily in love with Dan, but more the other way around. V comes up and interrupts (like always) and confirms this– she says she has absolutely no feelings for Dan (although the flashback of her shoving Olivia off of Dan and climbing on top of him during the threesome doesn’t really support that). She then runs to the side of the (most likely gay) play director.

Chuck has a high ranking diplomat staying at his popular new hotel, and he pawns the guy’s son off on Little J for a tour of NYC. Sullenly, Jenny takes a guest-starring Kevin Zeggers around town, and while a lot of people think Zeggers is hot in sort of a B-list Zac Efron way, I have to beg to differ. He appears to be wearing bronzer and he’s shorter than Little J. No thanks. But Jenny soon finds herself intrigued– the guy’s an international drug dealer, and she likes the smell of danger. However, when “Damien” takes Little J to a club for a drug deal, Uncle Chuck Bass comes to the rescue. He takes the ecstacy pill out of Little J’s hand (she looked so pissed) and tells Damien that he and  his dad are out of the hotel and he better not see them again. When Damien retorts, Chuck gets in his face. “I’m Chuck Bass, even Europeans know what that means,” he says. And somehow, of course, it works.

Kevin Zeggers guest stars

When Chuck tells Little J to stay away from “Damien,” he should know better– of course it only makes her like the sleazy drug dealer more.

Next up: Thanksgiving dinner, with Maureen discovering Tripp and Serena’s affair. And next week, too, we promise a much better recap:)