For some reason the stars have aligned in a weird way that has caused a domino rally of breakups in my little crew lately. Including my own unfortunately.  Sigh. So just in case you’re finding yourself in the same position, I’ve compiled a handy little How-To-Guide of break up advice to get you through the first week.

Please note I said “first week” because this break up advice is for those suffering minor heartache only. Like, you never said “I love you,” you dated for less than 3 months, and frankly you were still deciding yourself if you two were meant to be before he pulled the plug. You’re bummed, disappointed, and your ego is bruised, but deep down you know it’s gonna be ok. But, if you’re in full on heartbreak mode, then I’d suggest you refer to Sarah’s wonderful post on on tips for getting over a broken heart and follow her words of wisdom.

Now, for the rest of y’all. Here’s your 5 steps to quick recovery, in rough order of execution.

Step 1: Call your Friends and Family

That’s what they are there for! And you’ve done it for them a gazillion times right? Cash it in.  Not only did my girls come over mere minutes after said breakup, and drink wine with me until super late, but they rallied round me for the whole week post breakup ensuring I was out and about, and not home moping.  We also switched out our regular ladies night gay bar visit to a sports bar during gametime. Wow. Why didn’t we do that sooner?!?  My boypals did a great job cheering me up too for the record, and offered the all important male perspective necessary to proper closure.  Finally, if you’re close to your mom she’s obviously a great resource as well. She can remind you that you’ve gone through this more than a few times in the past decade or so, and it’s never been the end of the world, and you can begrudgingly acknowledge that she’s right. It’s a fun game. Try it.

Step 2: Gym it Up

You’re single again! So get your butt in some spandex and hit that treadmill. Not only will the workout make you feel better, it will ensure you aren’t sitting on your couch watching RomComs with your buddies Ben and Jerry. You’re gonna bounce back pretty quickly and when you do, you want to be ready to put on a cute little ensemble and get back out there looking goooood.  I actually got dragged to a group run the day after the breakup and I bitched and moaned about it every second of the way. Then at the end of the run, 2 guys asked the coach for info on me, and 1 even found me on facebook. Who knew heartache made me look so hot?!

Step 3: Take a Road Trip

This is a great time to cash in a sick day and take a trip somewhere. Preferably one where you can drive in silence for a while, and clear your head.  Go ahead. Call in. You’re useless while you’re in a sad fog so it’s in your best interest to get a little distance from your current heartache so you can get back.

(Attn: HR I used a genuine vacation day and got it approved in advance!)

I went down to Palm Springs, but maybe you need a crazy weekend in Vegas. Or a ski trip. Or just an aimless drive up the coast. Doesn’t really matter where you go, I promise you’ll already be feeling better on the drive home.

Step 4: Reinvent Yourself

Once you get back, you’re ready for the cleansing to be formalized in a new look. I totally own that this is a huge cliché, but I always like to dye my hair when I want to signify that I’m making a change. (I also like to dye my hair for no reason at all so it’s not as big a deal as it might sound. ) There’s just something about looking at a new version of me in the mirror that helps me embrace the whole starting over thang.

Special note: this is especially embarrassing because they just highlighted this common post breakup step on Grey’s Anatomy (Alex calls Little Grey out for dying her hair blonde after things fall apart with McSteamy) but I’m gonna toss it in here anyway.

Bye Bye Red and Hello Chocolate!

Step 5: Make Decisions

Are you gonna try to stay in contact with this dude and be friends? Or cut it clean? Are you keeping his stuff as a parting gift, leaving it on his porch, or burning it? I don’t recommend the latter, but whatever you elect, the choice feels better when it’s yours.  Especially if you didn’t instigate the breakup. So make it quick, before he makes it for you. All conventional wisdom aside, I normally try to shoot for staying friends, barring him cheating on me, being a total asshole, or us just not really having much to transition into a platonic relationship.  And most of those guys I kept around are now the people who helped me through Step 1. What better people to remind you that you’re awesome than the ones that decided you were worth keeping around even when sex was off the table?!

Optional Step 6: Sign Up for Online Dating (again).

Since I met my ex on Match I figured I’d mix it up and restart the OkCupid profile that has sat dormant since 2006 (I’m an early online dating adopter remember). Less than a week in and I’ve already got 2 super cute, self deprecating, cat loving, vintage shop frequenting, gainfully employed guys requesting access to my calendar.  Even if you’re not ready to start dating again yet, the flattery never hurt anyone. So just sign up and enjoy the attention.

Ok. Ready. Set. Go.

Let the healing begin!

xoxo,

Miss T