Happy 2010 Blush readers! 

A new year is always a good time for resolutions, fresh starts and analysis paralysis. I’m sure all you single folk joined me in making a dating blunder or two last year and I’m here to offer up my past mistakes (and of course the mistakes of my gal pals) as examples of what not to do in 2010 if you’re looking for relationship bliss. Don’t forget you’ve only got about a month to secure your date for “Feel-Especially-Crappy-About-Being-Single-Day”, also referred to as Valentines Day, so time is of the essence to heed my wise words.

Get Rid of Any Loose Ends

Ex boyfriends who sext you randomly, midnight booty calls, friends-with-benefits. Whatever you call ‘em, they’re barriers to you finding a new flame. You dumped them (or never started really dating them) for a reason right? So get them out of your life properly to make room for someone new.  I know it’s hard, because there’s something very comforting about having a steady stream of compliments, and knowing it won’t be months upon months before someone sees your new 600 thread count sheets, but it is an absolutely necessary step.

I’d like to note here that a special friend of mine named Nadine (who BTW keeps a delightful blog at JolieNadine.com  that you should subscribe to) recently sent me an email declaring the following:

Unfortunately, I think I need to “lose” the number of my comfy, strapping booty call.  Comfy, strapping booty calls: So 2009.

I concur. So, totes 2009.

Stop Looking in the Wrong Places

I’m not talking about sports bars vs. online dating here kids. I mean the types of guys you’re going for. Get smart and treat this as if it were a big purchase (think: car, not fabulous strappy shoes). Before you get your credit score checked for the new wheels you think about the future a bit right? You obviously consider the flashy exterior, color, size, shape (um, get your mind out of the gutter ladies) but you don’t commit without also factoring in mileage, consumer reviews and resale value.  Apply the same logic to those you date if you’re looking for someone with er, staying power.

The same Nadine mentioned above, who is gorgeous, smart and uber funny for the record (translation: may murder me for quoting her again), also made this statement:

Love is top of my priority list for 2010, so I’m trying to be smart about going after guys that are not completely lame i.e. no more of this: “He’s pretty!  Oh, he’s a waiter who makes $15,000 a year and lives on a couch?  Soulmate!”

Touché

Check that Baggage at the Door

Or, at least invest in an itty bitty carry on. Whatever your ex, or booty call, etc… did or didn’t do in the past, need have no bearing on your future relationship’s success.  Vilifying your ex is almost as bad as still being in love with him in terms of barriers to intimacy. So, if you spent some time in 2009 putting up walls to prevent yourself from getting hurt again, you might want to consider just making peace with your past. I realized over the summer that I’d classified my ex as an “evil genius” of sorts. This gave him a lot of power in my memory and made me constantly on the look out for more like him. Really, he was just kind of an A-hole. In abandoning that old view, I gave myself freedom to stop protecting my heart against the “evil genii” of the future.

And then I met someone pretty great. His name is Chris. Now I just need to try my best not to screw it up by “When-Did-My-Local-Italian Restaurant-Become-So-Frickin’-Expensive -Day.” Wish me luck!

xoxo,

Taryn

Tags: dating

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 7th, 2010 at 12:02 pm and is filed under love&money. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.