Props: red wine, garlic gouda cheese, couch
Looking forward to: Blair and Chuck’s attempt at monogamy, Vanessa and Serena’s clothes, being irritated by “Little J”

Thank the good heavens, Gossip Girl is back on. To celebrate, we picked out a new bottle of red along with a little something called “Garlic Gouda” which is now our favorite cheese.
We bought our cheese at Bristol Farms but check out most gourmet cheese shops to find something similar! Yes, we were eating alone, although Garlic Gouda would be a great party gift for a True Blood themed party. And blood-like red wine isn’t a bad idea either. Meg, who is always RIGHT, chose this bottle for us.

courtesy of compfight.com user udronotto

Right as we’re about to bite into our first slab of over –the- top cheese, Chuck Bass shows up on screen schmoozing at a bar. Yes ladies, school is back in session, Chuck Bass is oozing sliminess, and we couldn’t be more delighted! Chuck is approached by a petite blond, a basic nightmare with no scruples. Now that Chuck finally has Blair after agonizing over her all last season, is he really gonna screw it up with one flirty trust fund bottle blond? For a moment, it looks like the answer is yes. Cue the line from the teaser, where the little vixen says, “Chuck Bass doesn’t do girlfriends.” If someone is going to cheat on that sassy little tornado that is Blair Waldorf, then we’re all doomed! I almost don’t eat my cheese and cracker. Somehow I find the strength, and wash it down with a smooth, light swallow of the Tempranillo. It’s perfect for a Monday night, not heavy like your average Cabernet. Good choice, Meg.

It looks like the Humphreys have been in the Hamptons all summer courtesy of the Van der Woodsens, and they’re just pleased as punch about suddenly being “people who summer.” Little J has totally abandoned Williamsburg for the pool side of her new family’s country estate, and from the looks of it, we don’t blame her. But it’s time to pack up their LV trunks and head home to the Upper East Side, which will now suit the ex-hipster Humphreys just fine, because Lily’s penthouse is no artist loft in Brooklyn (we love that apartment!). Apparently, Lily is somewhere presiding over her sick mother, but Lily might as well be on her death bed too, because she is completely out of the picture and never shows up at all in this ep. (In real life, we know she was giving birth to her second son, whom she had a huge custody battle over with her much-younger ex husband). BTW, Eric tells the family that his grandmother’s condition isn’t great, but the grandmother was always such a royal B that she’s an easy one to kill off and I can’t imagine anyone caring.

Nate arrives back in our lives via a private helicopter with the girl from the failed -for-a-reason show “Privileged,” JoAnna Garcia, and we can’t help but be disappointed in the choice of Garcia for a cameo—her last show was unwatchable, but we, like the CW, are deciding to give her another chance. And then we decide to have another glass of wine, in hopes that it will make Bree more interesting, but so far the only thing we like about her is her name, it sounds like one of our favorite cheeses. We suppose we should find it interesting that Bree is a Buckley, and Buckleys are arch rivals of the Archibalds, but this isn’t some epic love story, they met on a six hour plane ride from London and played tonsil hockey just to fill the hours. Romeo and Juliet this is not. Anyway, upon the discovery of their respective lineage, the two huff and storm away from each other on the private helicopter landing pad. Just like you do when you get in a tiff with the mystery man you just made out with on your international plane trip.

FINALLY we cut back to Blair walking in on Chuck Bass with his tongue down the blonde’s throat. Is Blair going to cry? Scream? Even better, she attacks! “Take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!” she demands! We love it. The best part is the girl says “Um, you’re crazy,” as she’s walking out, and Blair just nods her head like, “Oh I know.” Crazy like a fox and we love it!
Serena arrives home in a limo from Europe. She’s greeted by a fleet of paparazzi outside the Van der Woodsen penthouse, which completely weirds out her family. Serena has always run around with socialites and been of mild interest to the paparazzi, but this time it’s more like 10 paps than 4. So SOMETHING happened in Europe to bolster her tabloid-worthiness. We’ll just have to wait and find out. Did Serena relapse? Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Chuck and Nate stroll down Fifth Avenue right where the NYU dorms are where I lived with my best friend one steamy summer. Chuck is wearing some strange miniature, tasseled trombone on his suit. Apparently it’s a Thom Browne boutineer. It’s heinous. We see Chuck do his squinty little weasel stare down at Nate and hear him say something like “remember my friend, sleeping with the enemy is HOT.” Eye roll, slash spine chilling delight.

Serena is wearing such a hot maxi dress we want to clamp it out of her perfect little lightly manicured hands. It’s Rag&Bone, but seems to be sold out everywhere. But Serena looks fabulous in potato sacks and there’s a good chance this dress would swallow us whole. And, no way we could ever fill out the top of a dress the way Blake Lively can.

courtesy of celebrityfashiontips.com

Chuck and Blair stroll through Soho, and

Blair and chuck courtesy of the CW

Blair is wearing the most adorable little Burberry Prorsum dress with a LAMB clutch (check out the look on Polyvore)
but despite some banter about their attempt at an open relationship, the scene is more of a reminder that a return to Gossip Girl is a return to New York. NYC is just as much a character as anyone on the show, and this season has some pretty lovingly shot exterior scenes.

But back to Chuck and Blair’s open agreement: we all saw how much Blair truly loves Chuck in last season, so we know she’s doing this just for Chuck’s sake. Even Nate says something semi-deep to Chuck about their situation, like, “is she doing this just for you or for both of you?” If this is actually the first time Chuck’s thought of this, then he doesn’t know women as well as we thought he did. If Blair is even HALF mortal, we know she can’t keep this game up.

Cue Dan and Vanessa in the coffee shop where she once barista-ed. Vanessa is one of those people who can quit a job and then come back and visit. Once we’re done, we’re done.

courtesy of gossipgirlfashion.net

I mean, you quit for a reason. Maybe she thinks the lighting is especially flattering in there, and it kind of is. We love Jessica Szohr, but her alter-ego Vanessa has always been a thorn in our side. Vanessa is constantly trying to “bring everyone to the truth,” and in that way she is SUCH a buzzkill. Dan is carrying a wad of 100 dollar bills and complaining about how “hard they are to break.” Vanessa tells him he’s been “seduced by wealth.” Well of course he has! And you’re just jealous! But we love your Tibi Navajo-inspired shorts, lady, which BY THE WAY will set you back $328. So in the real world, V,  you’ve got some money issues too.  And your hair is HUGE, but we’re really into big hair right now. She could sell HALF of her mane for extensions and still have a thicker head of hair than we’ll ever have.

Meanwhile, it comes to our attention that Serena was with Carter Baizon the whole summer, but that is not her secret. Carter, played by Sebastian Stan, is Leighton Meester’s boyfriend in real life. Gossip Girl just LOVES to keep it all in the family. Carter looks much cuter than he used to, and for a second we’re wondering why he seems so familiar—but only a second. It’s because he was in “The Covenant” with his GG co-star Chace Crawford. Yes, we saw that movie, and yes, we also fished it out of a bargain bin at Blockbuster and we now own it. (Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights is in it, too, so don’t judge).
So nosy old Vanessa invites herself to a ritzy charity polo match to check in on Dan. Why does she feel the need to be his keeper? He had a fun summer, and he seems to be getting over self-obsessed Serena, so cut him some slack. But if Vanessa is really just going to the polo match to show off her adorable strapless tan maxi dress, then we understand. What we keep forgetting to tell you is that Vanessa is hanging around a creepy guy named Scott, who, if you’ll remember, is Lily and Rufus’ love child. If we sound a little scattered it’s because we ARE, GG has shoved so many plotlines into this episode our head is spinning, and it’s not the wine and the amazing Garlic Gouda. Scott shakes Rufus’ hand at the polo match, and when he stops to really take in the contact, Rufus says something like “it’s only a handshake,” to which creepy Scott replies that it’s just because he was a big fan of Rufus’ music. AND RUFUS SEEMS TO BUY IT. Isn’t this the first fan Rufus has had in 3 seasons? Shouldn’t he be suspicious?

Back to the heart of the matter: Chuck and Blair. Blair says something adorable to Chuck about how summertime is for playing, but since summertime is over, maybe it’s time to stop playing. We like it. Chuck seems on the fence, and maybe a little disappointed that Nate was right.
Turns out the drinks are really lame at the polo match, and Blair and Chuck get bored. Alexandra Richards (as in Keith Richards’ daughter) walks by and Blair reminds Chuck they’re out of the game. Chuck doesn’t seem to react, but by the end of the polo party Blair is totally losing her cool and assumes Chuck leaves with Alexandra, and so she races home to catch him in the act. But Chuck is just in bed reading, and alone. Blair is relieved but exhilarated by the chase. Away from their cool cruel world, they seem like such a happy, loving couple!
Dan and Blair have a half-baked plan to slap Carter with a restraining order to keep him away from Serena, but Serena interrupts. And we have to interrupt to talk about Serena’s dress. It is the most gorgeous orange sherberty dress—it’s a goddess style, one-shouldered creation by Marchesa for their Spring 2009 line. Love it. Even her blush seems to match this amazing dress, it looks like a version of NARS’ “Orgasm” blush which is a must have. Carter makes some mysterious threat about the days of having her picture taken are waning, so Serena STEALS A HORSE and goes galloping off into the forest, with Carter at her heels. Then, they do it in the trees, right after its reveled that Serena has been attempting to get her pictures plastered everywhere so that wherever her FATHER is, he will be reminded of Serena—and maybe call home? This seems like she hasn’t really thought the whole plan through. AND, why couldn’t this be more steamy? Why couldn’t she be chasing after a man, or Georgina, or something a little more scandalous than a dead beat dad?

Meanwhile, back with Bree and Nate (snooze) Bree admits she’s estranged from the Buckley family, and trying to get back into their good graces, so Nate’s plan of using Bree to anger his family isn’t going to work. We cannot tell you how BORING we think Bree and Nate are. Something else boring happens where Nate’s grandfather pretends to be alright with the couple, but then makes a mysterious phone call to “Cousin Tripp,” and it’s all very obvious that Bree will somehow be used to get back at the Buckleys.

Vanessa confronts Dan on his new image at the polo match, but instead of making Dan realize all his wrongs, it comes off as a hissy fit and Vanessa just looks jealous. She says to Scott later that she wants to just forget about Dan for the moment, but, as he’s only in this to get close to the Humphreys, he encourages her to not be hasty. Then, with absolutely no chemistry at all (has Vanessa ever had chemistry with anyone? That V + Nate love plot never worked for us) she STOOPS to kiss him because he’s that mini. Even the cameramen seem bored and they cut away quickly.

The saving graces of this hit and miss episode? Two points.  One, at the end of the episode, we see Blair and Chuck role-playing as a snobby restaurant patron (Blair) and doting waiter (Chuck), and it’s as sweet as any romantic role-playing TV moment we’ve ever witnessed. And Chuck serving anyone is fabulous!! Point 2: the sneak peek at next week’s episode, when GG heads to college! Blair rooms with Georgina! We love when these two bitches get together. And Meg is psyched to see Dorota’s interior decorating skills after Blair orders her to do up her dorm room in style.

Tags: Fashion, gossip girl

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 4:14 pm and is filed under celebrity&lifestyle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.