The Return of Lily and Little J
We open with Little J trying on a bejeweled headband, which of course signifies a Queen’s crown. It’s back to school for the Constantine kids, and Jenny’s gotta decide if she’s going to rule for good or evil. Clearly we’re hoping for evil. Please Jenny, don’t be a snooze, and give us the evil we all deserve!
We then see Blair, the de-throned queen, who still reigns as Queen of our Hearts, coming out of her dorm room, only to be slammed into by a bunch of collegiates. Blair realizes they could care less. We’re really into this scene, because during the good old days of Constance, slamming into Blair Waldorf would be like slamming into Anna Wintour in the Conde Nast building (a HUGE NO NO). At NYU, no one gives a rat’s ass about B.W., but we know she’s up to the challenge. Still, she looks–for the moment– plenty defeated.
Speaking of queens, there’s a new one on the NYU campus– “silver screen queen” Hillary Duff, aka “Olivia Burke” who’s the star of something resembling, we can only guess, the “Twilight” series (a clever nod to all the Vamp brouhaha sweeping the planet.) So Olivia is attending NYU in hopes of keeping a low profile there.
Dan runs into Olivia at a coffee stand, and when she realizes he doesn’t recognize her, she introduces herself as “Kate.” (Oh Dan you are so above all of us pop culture fiends!) They take a walk, and exchange witty banter.
Blair strolls into the local coffee shop, looking for the “Masters of The Universe Society,” as she’s just dying to be part of anything elitist, and hoping it has something to do with future Wallstreeters, yet it turns out to be a Dungeons and Dragons type affair, and Blair is suitably horrified.
We see Little J again, and if it’s possible, she’s even skinnier than she ever was. It’s distracting. Anyway, Jenny’s new worker bees show up for First Day detail, and they’re all in black eyeliner and motorcycle jackets in an effort to crib Little J’s style. While she awkwardly tells them to lose the liner, she find that in her own way, she’s ordering them around, despite “wanting equality.” She looks a little disappointed in herself. (Somewhere in this we can tell we’re getting a lesson about how every group needs a leader.)
Serena is in the kitchen with Rufus, practicing telling Lily that she’s deferring a year at Brown, and speaking of Brown, S is wearing a well-fitted tan tank with an arty green necklace and snug jeans. Our friend yawns at how relaxed the ensemble is, but we enjoy seeing S dress down every once in a while. Rufus pretends to be Lily and sucks his cheeks in, looking stern. It’s cute. Then Lily actually walks in, and demands to know why she isn’t at school. And we see why Lily put off coming back post baby until the 4th episode– she was waiting until she looked absolutely fabu!! And she does. Serena promises her mother she’ll find a good job so the year doesnt go to waste, and packs a bag to head to Blair’s.
Little J gives a speech about letting freedom ring, and a disappointed snob waiting to be ruled lets Blair know via text. Blair exits the coffee shop, but not before telling a dirty looking hippie with Birkenstocks, that “sandals are not shoes,” and she says it very slowly with a trembling voice to indicate her sheer horror, and we laughed out loud– we love Leighton’s comic timing.
After doing the rounds at fashion houses hoping to be hired, Serena heads to a solo lunch at Hundred Acres on Macdougal street. It seems all the big fashion names, while they don’t want to hire her, certainly want her name on all the party lists. Serena is growing increasingly spoiled and bitchy, and we’re begging you PLEASE to not be fooled by her whispery baby voice– don’t be mistaken– baby’s got bitch.
Olivia is complaining to Casey, her sh**ty publicist, that she wants a normal college experience, and that making dorm mates sign confidentiality agreements isn’t helping. When she gets up to go, the paparazzi congregates outside, Olivia freaks out, and Serena offers to help. Not knowing what’s good for her, Olivia snaps at her— and then HELLO SERENA BITCH FACE. Seriously everyone’s entrees just went cold. Olivia apologizes and Serena gives her a route out the back through the kitchen. Before she departs, Olivia tries to make amends and says she knows who Serena is, and that she “loved her dress at the Met Ball.” This placates Serena a little. But then the publicist says she knows who Serena is and it’s all too much collagen for Serena’s already inflated ego. Casey’s not too stupid to know flattery will get you everywhere with S, and she ropes her into a publicist job.
Nate finally isn’t in a scene with Brie, instead he’s studying in the library with Dan. Also in the library? Olivia, looking pissed off at her publicist’s texts about an appearance on Larry King Live. Nate is amused that Dan doesn’t realize he’s got a crush on a huge film star, and encourages Dan to go ask her out. Nate smiles when they walk off together, we just smile that he’s not rolling in the sheets with Brie. (By the way, tonight we’re eating havarti.)
Anyway, Olivia and Dan run off for pizza– and in turn, Olivia is blowing off her TV spot.
OK this is where things get weird. Serena shows up for her first day of work and she’s the publicist for Tyra Banks’ character. Tyra walks in throwing clothes an having an all out diva fit, and she’s wearing this massive wig, and she looks like a pissed off, wild-eyed alien, people. Serena calms her down, but no one can calm me down about what a bad actress Tyra is.
In the morning, Serena and Tyra are lounging in silk robes, and Tyra without make up shouldn’t be allowed on prime time– way too scary for innocent eyes. It’s a forced, weird scene, and we get the point that Serena has her way with ppl, and that Tyra’s character is so needy she needed her brand new publicist to snuggle with her to get through the night.
Chuck heads over to Casa Blair to check in on her, and he can tell she’s hosting the annual Constance “teenybopper” sleep over. He knows she’s giving up, and he’s disappointed in her. We notice that Blair’s grey wool skirt is wrinkled– if it’s intentional, it works. Blair’s falling apart, thus her skirt wrinkles like a mortal’s.
Olivia and Dan tell each other they like each other, but Olivia tells Dan that her life is too complicated for him, and he STILL DOESN’T GET IT. Somebody pass this guy an Us Weekly. The holier than thou thing is getting to be too much. Anyway, we’re momentarily calmed by them calling it quits, because when they’re together, you can’t help but bite your nails in apprehension for when Georgina finds out. Oooh, it’s going to be bad!
Chuck and Jenny attend the premiere of Olivia’s movie together– Chuck gives Little J a big pep talk about Blair choosing her as her replacement. It’s really quite sweet and you can imagine Chuck as a Poppa one day, with little mini chuck Bass’ running around in diapers and bowties. “You went toe to toe with Blair and you actually won her respect,” he says. Jenny realizes it’s time to rule.
Serena is wearing an amazing plunging blouse at the premiere, and even more amazing is her cleavage. It. just. won’t. quit.
Dan calls Vanessa and says, “I think I just got dumped, want to go see a movie?” And V takes him to Olivia’s premiere.
Back at Blair’s sleepover, Dorota tells Miss Blair she doesnt think what she’s doing is right, and Blair tells her to shove it in Polish. One of the high schoolers alerts Blair that Chuck and Little J are at Olivia’s premiere–together– and Blair, in her perfect bright silk yellow and black detailed dress, runs over there.
Dan finally figures out who Olivia is, once he’s at her MOVIE PREMIERE.
Serena is wearing a positively sinful Herve Leger bondage dress- if the writers want us to see that Serena’s not the good girl she feigns to be, this dress is a good kick-in-the-head-reminder.
Blair attacks Little J at the premiere, but Chuck cuts in and defends her. He then confronts Blair on her wussy ways. He says he knows NYU is hard, but the Blair he fell in love with doesn’t give up, and he’s offended if her actions are saying that winning Chuck Bass is easier than winning over the students of NYU (whom he calls the pseudo intellectual homesick malcontents). He ends his second pep talk of the episode by saying “I’m Chuck Bass and I love you.” Works for us!
Vanessa encourages Olivia to give Dan another chance, and she does so in full blown Navajo-inspired jewelry. I mean she is dropping turquoise.
We see Blair’s dictating in a dorm room decorated with a solitary Audrey Hepburn poster– she’s only got two proteges for now, but it’s a start. She calls NYU her “garden,” and she plans to “rake, hoe, and weed it” until it’s what she wants. Bring it!
Vanessa calls Scott, only to be interrupted by Georgina’s call. She wants to get coffee. The idiot says yes.
We then see Little J finally acting as a Constantine Queen should. This is all good and well. Now that she’s not depriving herself of a little wicked fun, we hope she won’t deny herself a croissant or twenty.
NEXT EP: Lily and Rufus attempt to marry in Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, but it won’t be a day of joy and love if Georgina has anything to do with it. We can’t wait!
Tags: gossip girl, TV
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