Archive for the ‘love&money’ Category

Urban Outfitters: A Love Story

Monday, October 26th, 2009

I think everyone’s got a lucky store. Just because mine happens to be one of the biggest chains out there, it doesn’t make it any less special. Granted, my love for it has changed over the years, and indeed, come full circle. When I was a girl growing up in a small town in Virginia, I had a lucky little boutique nestled in our outdoor mall. I adored Urban Outfitters, but it was pre-internet (creak, I’m old) and Washington D.C. was two hours away. When I was a PYT in my early twenties in NYC, there was a store on Ludlow in which I could always find something cute enough to make me want to prance around town that night.

urban1

But then things got more complicated when I met a guy with a real sense of wanderlust, and we moved around a lot.  I no longer had a local go-to. That’s like snipping a kitty’s whiskers off! I didn’t know how to find my way in the dark, and by dark I mean, crappy days when I needed a pick-me-up, or anytime the season changed and I truly had nothing I felt like wearing. For a while I was in Omaha, Nebraska – there’s an Urban there now, but there wasn’t when I lived there with him.  At that time in Nebraska, we all turned to Target or the internet. It was then, four years ago now, that I re-discovered Urban Outfitters, and realized their virtual mall was truly nothing to scoff at.

Perhaps (but not likely) you’re wondering what I mean by “lucky store.” I say not likely because I truly believe we all have one. (If not, ouch, sister– go get one!) By lucky, I mean, a store that’s in sync with you and your needs, at all times. Retail therapy usually means you’re headed into the shop in hopes of putting a band-aid on whatever’s ailing you, and by band-aid I mean a sweater that makes you feel warm and loved or a chartreuse tank that makes you feel sexy, or whatever. A silky or sexy band-aid to temporarily wrap a real problem. And if you’ve got a lucky store, you rely on it: you know you can always pop in and find something that’ll work for you.  As a sidenote, there is nothing worse than resolving to do a little retail therapy , admitting to yourself you’re just going to go ahead and throw money at the problem, then taking on that guilt, holding out that hope, then going in—and finding NOTHING that works. And not only does nothing work, everything washes you out, everything makes you feel fat, a sweater itched you and now that itch is lingering on the skin you already wanted to jump out of. They talk about buyer’s remorse, but whatever that anti-sensation is, that low down dog feeling of slinking out of a store on a rotten day, empty-handed?  That’s a killer. That’s when you decide to turn to wine therapy. Then you can’t find an open liquor store, and when you get home, there’s not even anything on TV.  So suddenly you’re sitting on your couch alone, sipping tepid water (you’re out of cubes) wearing fugly clothes and staring at the wall.urban2

Thank  God, I never get to that point, because there’s an Urban Outfitters around, and I’m always going to find something that puts a spring in my step. Many of you may hate Urban. I know my Dad and my ex boyfriend do. My dad thinks it’s cheap stuff with an over-priced tag, my ex never understood “why I couldn’t have splattered that paint  or ripped that jean leg myself,” and saved the dough. But you know what, Urban wasn’t made for them. I truly believe it was made for me.

I can’t tell you why or how, but I’ve got luck there. I walk in, find that one sweater that looks like it’s 700 bucks but it’s really $68,  I find the camisole that dresses up your average pair of jeans, and suddenly I’m wearing the kind of outfit, that if I passed Drew Barrymore on the street, she would ask me where I got my shirt.  I find the hat that just works, the jeans that look, again, much more expensive than they are, the scarf that everyone compliments.  And I always tell them, “Urban!” And then they say, “but I was just there, and I didn’t see anything.” Well, tough cookies.

I’m sure I’ll outgrow my Urban fix, but that will mean my wallet’s outgrown it– and the day when I can just pop into Calypso for my pick me ups certainly is not tomorrow. While I’m looking forward to that time, I’m content now (and wearing an amazing faux lace nude and silk blouse).

And because Urban sells SO MUCH STUFF, they’re always trying to flush that stuff out to make way for the new goodies. That 58 dollar camisole you’re in love with but can’t justify buying? It WILL go on sale. I promise.

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Whether you’re physically walking through or virtually roaming, it’s always good for a cheap thrill. Alice and wonderland glasses for five dollars anyone?

Gilded door handles to make the opening of each door feel a little bit more loaded with possibility?

Sloppy woolen hats for that cute but careless aesthetic?

A ring that’s also a bottle opener so you never have to go thirsty again?

And look at all these amazing cheap camis and tanks for layering!

Love leaves, leaves fall, and yes, cheap cardigans from Urban tend to pill and fade as well. But the good news is, you can always buy another cardi, and next time in a more relevant style (because Urban is always right on trend.) And temporarily, I’ll take that turquoise, or hot pink, or plaid band-aid, and I’ll wear it. And you, my friend, will ask me where I got it.

- Sarah

P.S. a very sweet reader just wrote in and name-checked her “lucky store.” It’s “Whismy” in Baltimore. Please add yours!!

Avoid the Pitfalls: Analyzing Online Dating Profiles

Friday, October 9th, 2009

One of the things I like best about living in 2009 is that it’s no longer embarrassing to admit you go searching for love online.

Source: Flickr User net_efekt

Source: Flickr User net_efekt

Back in 2002, when I first joined Friendster, my parents were completely shocked that their attractive college grad would sink to such depths, and my roommate would make fun of me incessantly for my geeky dating habits.  A good friend of mine even got me a Friendster T-shirt from Urban Outfitters that read “I give good testimonial” on the back. Man do I wish I still had that shirt!!!  Needless to say I quickly made the switch to MySpace in 2003, along with the rest of the fast adopters, and got myself a cute Silver Lake boyfriend in no time. Since we parted (after 3 years of dating) I’ve met quite a few winners online and am definitely a fan of the medium.

Now as an English major, I love writing and email banter, and so for me, finding out in advance that someone can spell properly is sort of a requirement. I mean, when considering the potential father of your offspring it pays to be picky eh? Obviously the online dating world evolved, and I began to branch into sites that were more target market specific to find the man, or ahem men, of my dreams.  From J-Date to Match to Plenty of Fish, I’ve tried ‘em all (save eHarmony who rejected me! WTF right? ) and I’m here to share the wisdom of a sage with you newbies so you can skip the bad and embrace the good.

When embarking on your internet dating career you must realize that you will make a few mistakes and there will be a few casualties along the way.  Learning to read between the lines and identify the dogs on the page, instead of at the coffee shop or bar will save you a lot of time and annoyance.  As you start reviewing  your prospective dates’ profiles, here are the things to scan quickly before even considering them.

Pictures – Are any of the following true?

  • Does he have shots that look like they were professionally taken?
    • Analysis:  He’s probably an actor or trying to be. Don’t date actors or wannabe actors. Just don’t.  Trust me. Unless you’re an actor too, in which case definitely don’t date him. There’s only room for one star in any healthy relationship.
  • Does he have pics that appear to be taken in the mid 90’s or earlier? (check the clothes on him, or better yet any women pictured with him to determine the approximate year)
    • Analysis: He’s 2 decades older than he says he is. Ignore him. Even if you’d like a sugar daddy, you want  one that’s proud of his elevated years.
  • Does he have pics that exclusively include him partying with his friends, doing keg stands, or body shots with Hooter’s waitresses?
    • Analysis: Sounds like a fun guy! Send him some scantily clad pictures of yourself that you took for your ex boyfriend before you broke up. *

* Um, just kidding.  Kinda. No seriously I’m kidding. Avoid this guy at all costs.

Profile – What do his responses for the following areas look like?

  • Music – Does he have 800,000 bands listed? Are they in alphabetical order?
    • Analysis:  This guy defines himself way too seriously based on his musical tastes. He’ll probably attribute the same high level of judgement to your CD collection. You want the guy who lists a few of his favorites (even if they don’t match your taste) and understands that a person is more than their favorite band.  Even if you yourself are a music snob, you should avoid this guy. He’s trapped in 8th grade.
  • Hobbies – Does this guy do things? You know, outside and with other people?
    • Analysis: A guy who doesn’t have anything going on in life is someone that is looking for a girlfriend to give himself purpose. This is a recipe for disaster. Hello clingy! Look for evidence that this man has interests off of the internet, and preferably look for pictures on his profile that back up the hobbies he lists.  i.e. if he mentions he loves surfing but looks like he hasn’t seen sun in the last 6 months he may only be riding waves in his dreams.
  • Language – Does your future online boyfriend abuse internet speak with lots of LOL’s or emoticons? Does he write super cute stuff in his “Who I wanna meet” section like “PlEazeee B my #1 HaWTie 4 mE”?
    • Analysis:  If it was the former, get ready for some serious baby talk after day 5 or your 2nd date (whichever comes first). Unless you have a high tolerance for being someone’s “wittle bunny wabbit” I’d suggest you look for a guy who knows how to spell out actual words. The latter is just stupid. Period.

Height – Women lie about their weight, men lie about their height.  If he says he is 5’10, he is 5’7. Tops! Now that might not be a problem for you, but if you like a man who doesn’t stand shorter than you definitely always subtract a good 3 inches off his reported height. Which is ok for someone rocking a 5’1 bod like me, but may not work out for you amazon princesses out there.

Source: Flickr User net_efekt

Source: Flickr User Schaeferdesign1

If you do a thorough analysis of the above categories and you’re still not sure, do a little quick research. Many people reuse the same handle on every site. If he goes by “California DreamBoat” on Match, it’s likely he uses the same name on OkCupid. You might be able to get a clearer picture of who this guy is by comparing and contrasting his online profiles for consistency.

Then if he passes all the tests, or most of them at least, feel free to initiate contact!  Try not to get too excited though, remember the rules of playing hard to get still apply online.

Xoxo,

Taryn

Ps. Got any more tips on this subject? I’d LOVE to hear them. Post a comment!

A Personal Lesson in Feng Shui

Friday, September 18th, 2009

This past Wednesday evening I received an email from a friend about a party in honor of  “wine, chocolate, and Feng Shui.”   Initially, the Feng Shui part didn’t sound relevant to my life at all: I’m actually in the process of moving, and putting a LOT of stuff into storage,  so I’m not in a place to buy running water for “flow,” or to think about what to place in my “wealth corner,” as my home really just consists of  piles and boxes right now. Essentially, I’m dismantling a home, not putting one together. But, going home to those piles and boxes wasn’t a comforting thought, so I just decided to go- if the Feng Shui didn’t make sense right now, the wine and chocolate would make up for it.  And anyway, like Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” In other words,  life won’t happen to you when you’re waiting on the couch. (Which I had been planning to do, for sure).

So I showed up, and we sat in a  big open beautiful West Hollywood living room with about 15 other women, all late 20′s early 30′s, and everyone came there seeking something. (And by the way, when the lovely host said there would be chocolate, she meant a straight up Godiva factory. Plates and plates of over-sized mint chocolate chips, truffles, and homemade peanut butter cups.) The presenter, a guy named Ariel Joseph Towne sat in the circle with us– not in the center, but alongside of us. He opened up the conversation, and everyone had something to say about where their lives were. He never interrupted, and let the conversation flow. This guy is all about flow. No loudness, no interruptions, just the peaceful flow of organic conversation. Although I’m in a huge transition phase right now, a lot of these women were experiencing exceptional, big, beautiful events in their lives, and their joy and satisfaction created a very nice energy and a sense of hope. (Although, this is Los Angeles, so there was also a bit of competitive energy in the air, and that’s not always a bad thing– we all want to improve our lives and get more from life, so if one person’s success makes us a little hungrier for our own, there’s really no harm).

courtesy of flickr user Spy to Die 4

courtesy of flickr user Spy to Die 4

rocks

After that four hour invigorating session, what I took from my first lesson in Feng Shui is that it seems to me to be as much about the order of a home as it is about the order of  our lives. Just as we protect our physical space, we have to learn to protect our emotional space as well. A lot of us don’t do a very good job of protecting ourselves– we protect our home, our pets, and definitely the other people in our lives, just not ourselves enough.  Basically, if you’ve got good energy, there’s bound to be an “energy vampire” out there who is jealous or weak enough to try to steal it, (that person who always just makes you feel small so they can feel bigger) whether they physically enter your home or just exist somewhere in your life. I learned about “the Godfather” principle as a way of protecting  your energy:  you never keep your back to an open space: sit with your back against two walls so you can see the entrance, that way you’ll be ready for anything that comes your way. Move your bed to the far corner of your bedroom, where you are in a place to welcome the good and expel the bad, and when you sleep and dream, you are protected. (Yikes, I’ve been sleeping  “unprotected” with my head to the door. In hindsight, this makes a little too  much sense.) Also, in Feng Shui drains are very literal, and you don’t want them sucking down your energy.  Never sleep with your head pointing toward a drain (as I was doing with my head facing the wall of our bathroom). Close toilet lids, close bathroom doors. Keep the area around your front door to your house clean and uncluttered: this way good energy can flow in and out. Also, clutter is blocked energy. I spent too much time at home this past year, and you know why? I came home and dropped everything on the floor and then moved into the house. In a feng shui sense, I blocked myself in. Last night when I walked into my house,I carefully put everything away, and I swear I had more energy, the house felt lighter, and I felt more free to come and go as I pleased through my clean, open and inviting front door. zen

Is your house “clean,” but with stuff shoved in drawers, closets, and under beds? You’re only organized on the surface. One closer look, and everything falls apart, so that’s a very nerve wracking, anxiety-inducing way to live. Clear your clutter so you can clear your heart and head. The items in  your house should all be placed with care, in a purposeful spot.  All these lessons on space and clutter are really metaphors for how to live our lives: cleanly, respectfully, safely, flowing, and  positively. Positivity, Ariel reminded us, is much more powerful than negativity. But stop right now with the negative thoughts and worries– you’re only willing them to come true.

After the workshop, I told Ariel how I was moving and he was so receptive, so engaging. He sensed I had abandonment issues, as a lot of us do. He picked me out as a hoarder. TRUE. I collect things and can’t throw them away out of fear. I feel like things have to stay with me, even all the unusable, unwearable, broken stuff, and especially things from my past. (By the way, broken items in your household? A huge Feng Shui no-no.) A lot of the  girls at the workshop admitted to  having massive closets, and they didn’t know where to begin with the exorcisms– Ariel recommended they start turning a hanger backwards once they’d worn something. At the end of the year, the hangers still facing forward hold the clothes you don’t wear. Get some good karma and take them to good will. Our stuff doesn’t really protect us, in fact too much “stuff” just blocks you from life, and that big great open world outside of your door. zenGarden

When I pack, Ariel suggested having three piles. YES, NO, and MAYBE. When you get to the MAYBE pile, ask yourself why you are on the fence about it. Too much deliberation? Toss it. Try to remain free and unfettered. By letting go of all your crap  you let the new and the good and the better in. By clinging to your old junk, you’re clinging to the past.  He said not to take that stuff with me on my move. He recommended “letting go,” and leaving it behind. Not as a harried escape, but a graceful liberation. I’m definitely ready for any grace, and any liberation that’s offered. If this  blog has any point, it’s that we’ve all gotta keep stepping out of our comfort zones, and in doing so, we’ll always be rewarded.

–Sarah

P.S.  Ariel told me that when I do set up my new apartment, I should first identify my intentions for this new phase in my life. This really got me thinking about what I truly want for myself, something I’ve definitely never considered when setting up previous homes. Ariel said I can email him pictures of my new place, and he will help me align my wants and needs with the arrangement of my apartment. If I set up my apartment in accordance with Feng Shui, whether I’m asking for love, money, health, there are different Feng Shui approaches which can attract what I want. What will be your intentions the next time you re-arrange your space and your life–what is it you want the most?

If you have a question for Ariel, you can email him at consult@thefengshuiguy.com