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Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

Monday, May 10th, 2010

In May 2008 Lori Gottlieb wrote an article in the Atlantic entitled “Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough“ which caused quite a stir.  The resulting conversations and controversy lead to her publishing a book by the same title. My mother, ever patient with my dating trials and tribulations, was one of the first people to suggest I pick up the book, (she’s not actually all that worried about me being single at 31 for the record) but it wasn’t until my friend Susanna started talking about it over drinks that I was compelled to go buy a copy. In person.  Le sigh.

Now I didn’t enjoy the book nearly as much Susanna did, or dislike it as much as Slate,  in fact, I’d probably recommend it to anyone who thinks that perhaps, just maybe, they might be approaching dating wrong.  What follows is an AIM conversation between Susanna and I on the book. If you’ve read it please do leave your feedback in the comments.

xoxo,

Miss T

tarynaronson: hi!
susannafrances: hey!
tarynaronson: so, as you’re one of my most attractive and intelligent girlfriends, when you told me to run out and buy “Marry Him” i listened
susannafrances: obviously. i have impeccable taste.
susannafrances: and a lifetime full of neurotic dating issues. well, not a lifetime, but twelve years worth.
tarynaronson: so why did you feel so strongly about me reading this book?
susannafrances: when i read lori gottlieb’s article in the Atlantic Monthly a couple of years ago, i reacted strongly to the idea of “settling” for anything less than instant passion/eternal love.
susannafrances: reading more closely, i realized her point was more that women often place too high a value on the wrong traits in a man when it comes to who is actually a good partner.
susannafrances: especially smart, independent, successful woman who don’t “need” a man in any practical sense.
susannafrances: because we can support ourselves and are often happy single, it seems we often decide that the only thing a man can really do for us is bring passion and endless stimulation on top of an already totally fulfilling life.
susannafrances: unfortunately, passion and endless charisma happen to often go hand in hand with crippling narcissism
tarynaronson: and I’d prefer to be the only narcissist around here!
tarynaronson: i agree with that her analysis on that point. and i really appreciated her comments about “kindness” being an undervalued trait in a guy.
susannafrances: niceness isn’t flashy
tarynaronson: no its not. i felt like such an idiot reading that suggestion too because at 31 it really had never occurred to me to make that a priority in a boyfriend. but it’s a given that i expect my friends to be kind.
susannafrances: definitely. if asked to describe my ideal mate in the abstract i’d say – brilliant, hilarious, successful, hot.
tarynaronson: i‘d say brilliant, hilarious, successful, hot and doesn’t mind driving to long beach.
susannafrances: but i think women, hearing about the title of the book, assume she’s going to say settle for some lame dentist who’s really loyal and nice but totally unexciting or else YOU WILL BE ALONE
susannafrances: i think she’s saying – give the dentist a date.
susannafrances: you might find you like him more than you think.
susannafrances: stop judging people for putting apostrophes in the wrong place.
susannafrances: if you go out with apostrophe guy and he’s an idiot in person then you are allowed to not date him
susannafrances: but maybe he just doesn’t put that much effort into his online dating profile because, i don’t know, he’s busy having a life.
tarynaronson: how dare he!?
susannafrances: to me, though, the best point she made was really that when asked to define what we’re looking for in a man, we name 10 men
susannafrances: often traits are mutually exclusive
susannafrances: so when we dont find all of them (ie always) we feel like the person falls short
tarynaronson: yes. because we’re used to online dating where we get in a mode of looking at men like they are items to buy at a supermarket
tarynaronson: the one thing i didn’t relate to however was the traditional first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage stuff…
tarynaronson: like she talked a lot about the difficulties of dating with a kid
tarynaronson: and i felt like it was just presumed that i want a kid too
tarynaronson: and i better hurry up and stop being picky before my eggs run out
susannafrances: i totally hear that.
susannafrances: the book didn’t account for the breadth of personal goals women have
tarynaronson: but i also think that she presumed im the one doing all the heartbreaking
tarynaronson: just leaving a trail of the dead behind me
susannafrances: i didn’t get that. i think she’s probably just not mentioning the guys you’ve dated who have dumped you who had some of the “bad” traits she mentioned women go for.
tarynaronson: aha! thats an interesting point
tarynaronson: so essentially in not rating kindness a top priority, i am at fault for getting hurt when someone isnt kind to me
tarynaronson: i can deal with that
tarynaronson: so do you think this book has made a long term change in the way youll approach relationships/dating in the future?
susannafrances: in my case personally, i started dating someone nice and stable before i bought the book
susannafrances: it did make me righteous about my choice
susannafrances: and more appreciative of him than ever for not making me feel crazy with unpredictable craziness
tarynaronson: right, which is really the part i appreciated the most about the book
tarynaronson: the idea that looking forward to that insane feeling you get when someone is dicking you around, not writing you back, making you insecure…is just stupid!
susannafrances: i liked when she said:
susannafrances: think about the time you were most excited
susannafrances: you were probably acting like a crazy obsessive freak
susannafrances: bc he kept you guessing
tarynaronson: which then renders you sucky at the rest of your life
susannafrances: totally
tarynaronson: well i expect you to keep me on track as i begin my dating adventures this summer
susannafrances: i will be your sponsor
susannafrances: beware the glamorous guy with the proust references and great bone structure, he’s probably getting hit on by 100 girls a day and will break your heart.
susannafrances: go for the quieter guy who is actually way more interesting and smart but maybe doesn’t have game. he probably also doesn’t have STDs.

Susanna Fogel is a film and television writer living in Los Angeles. Most recently, she co-wrote a comedy for New Line Cinema called “What Was I Thinking” about women analyzing the trials and tribulations of relationships on a hedonistic ski trip.

Posted in art&music, love&money | No Comments »

Relationship Advice

Friday, May 7th, 2010

At Blush, we often receive a lot of questions from readers and friends seeking relationship advice. So we sought the advice of a real-life man with plenty of dating and love experience. We’ll call him the Lone Ranger because he’s a straight shooter. He tends to tell it like it is, so sensitive souls just looking for reassurance should look elsewhere. Please submit questions by clicking on comments below and the Lone Ranger will get back to you!

Question: Let’s say a girl has met a guy, and chances are they will fall in love and get married. He is “the one..” well…if the number of men she has slept with in the past is fairly high, and he asks her how many, is it ok to lie? Does it really matter?

Lone Ranger: He’s not “the one” until there is a ring (wedding, not engagement) on your finger. LIE until there is. Add up the ones that you know may come up in conversation and use that number…This includes the occasional one night stand. Then others can pop up over the years of your long happy marriage. You’re not a whore anymore. (hopefully)

Question: If a guy and a girl are seeing each other, and stop talking for no apparent reason, nothing bad happened, is it ok to call the guy a month or two later just to say hi?

Lone Ranger: Only if “hi” means “come over and have sex with me.” The call has to be in the evening, and you have to invite him over. If he does not come over, never call again. Quick reality check: You didn’t “stop talking for no apparent reason” You stopped talking because he didn’t want to date you.

Have a question? Ask by clicking on “comments.”

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Posted in love&money | 4 Comments »

How to Write a Maid of Honor Speech

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

On Friday, I have the honor of being Maid of Honor in my wonderful, dear friend Anne’s wedding. I have a few other friends in similar situations who have asked me, How do you write a maid of honor speech?

Well, I’m no writer…wait…ok, so here are the steps that I took.

Brainstorm and research:

Go through old emails between the two of you for inspiration. Maybe there are some early ones from when her and her beau started dating or fell in love? You can make a joke about how you two are close and can trust each other with your deepest thoughts and secrets, except for today, when you’re sharing her emails.

Ask her family for intimate stories about her childhood or things that will make it more personal.

Go through old photos that might spark memories.

And then write all these things down so you have a big mess of thoughts, stories and emotions regarding your friend.

Organize:

So now it’s time to make some sense out of all this! Keep in mind that you don’t want it to be too too long. And if you’re not funny, now’s not the time to try out your latest stand-up routine. (But that’s really a whole other issue, isn’t it: people who aren’t funny but think they are.)  Leave the funny to the best man. He’s also the one who should delve into the groom’s past gaffs. Let the bride be elegant today – not the butt of your jokes about that time at Mardi Gras.

Try to think of three or four major points about her personality that you can compliment and maybe share a little story about. And mention the groom a bit too – anything that gives the guests a deeper understanding of why this couple is together – cuz that’s what the day is all about.

Finish the speech with a toast to the bride and groom.

Practice:

Make sure the speech rolls of your tongue – so practice giving it a few times. If you stumble anywhere, you may want to change the words to something that’s easier to deliver. As you read it, you might think of funny little asides to throw in here and there, but if they don’t come naturally, don’t force it. (I’m the queen of forcing things and I just feel idiotic afterward. Learn from my mistakes.)

Put the speech on pretty paper or notecards (you can even consider putting it in an envelope for the bride to keep afterward) and you’re all set. My last piece of advice, which is more of a reminder to myself: don’t forget it on the wedding day.

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Posted in love&money | 1 Comment »

Feng Shui Master Ariel Joseph Towne

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Ariel Joseph Towne

by Sarah

Hello! Today’s very exciting for me, because it marks the beginning of the  Blush 4 part series called “Feng Shui for Spring” with the amazing feng shui master and life coach Ariel Joseph Towne. Last fall, as I was just entering a totally new, unexpected shift in my life, I had the amazing opportunity to attend a class with Ariel, and it truly was life changing for me. He was innovative, kind, peaceful, and truly understood what I was going through. He’s a relief just to be around! Here’s an introductory interview with Ariel, and so you don’t miss out on his amazing advice for love, money, happiness and health, please sign up for the newsletters if you haven’t already! Everybody, meet Ariel.

What’s it like to watch people’s lives change for the better and know you helped?

Watching people thrive, feel empowered and feel more comfortable in their homes is as big of a joy as you could imagine. Seeing people use the principles of feng shui to grow their business, get preganant, save their homes from bankruptcy and heal from old heartbreak and manifest new love happens on a daily basis. It is truly remarkable to witness.

I don’t want anyone to believe me. I want them to prove it to themselves. Or not. There are many paths to success. Being aware of their environment (inner and outer) and setting themselves up for success is one way in.

Can you give examples of how it’s changed lives? Including yours?

I am more aware of my environment than I ever have been. I have thought about parts of my life that I never considered putting thought into before. And I have seen the cause and effect of how our environment affects us for over a decade. I feel more aware, more empowered and I feel more magical. Things just seem to work out for me.

I certainly have challenges in life, like anyone. But I feel empowered to work through them and I can feel a deeper process at work in my life as I have never had before.

I also feel as though every culture on earth has its examples of feng shui principles. They are universal. And becoming aware of them seems to be the first step to change.

As far as what I have seen for others, I have worked literally with hundreds of people across the country and, more recently internationally as well. I have worked with single moms and starving artists to CEO’s and  high profile celebrities.  I have witnessed people express what they experienced as a miracle, and I have noticed some people dip their toe in the water and experience smaller more focused changes for their lives.Whether someone is working on their home or business, feng shui principles are at work in our daily life. It’s what has attracted everyone from Donald Trump to all the Casino’s in Vegas, to Banks in New York City. They know that feng shui works. They know that these principles are repeatable and replicable. (more…)

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Posted in celebrity&lifestyle, health&fitness, love&money | 4 Comments »

Break Up Advice: 5 Super Duper Easy Steps to Get Over Heartache

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

For some reason the stars have aligned in a weird way that has caused a domino rally of breakups in my little crew lately. Including my own unfortunately.  Sigh. So just in case you’re finding yourself in the same position, I’ve compiled a handy little How-To-Guide of break up advice to get you through the first week.

Please note I said “first week” because this break up advice is for those suffering minor heartache only. Like, you never said “I love you,” you dated for less than 3 months, and frankly you were still deciding yourself if you two were meant to be before he pulled the plug. You’re bummed, disappointed, and your ego is bruised, but deep down you know it’s gonna be ok. But, if you’re in full on heartbreak mode, then I’d suggest you refer to Sarah’s wonderful post on on tips for getting over a broken heart and follow her words of wisdom.

Flickr User: Varunsuresh

Now, for the rest of y’all. Here’s your 5 steps to quick recovery, in rough order of execution.

Step 1: Call your Friends and Family

That’s what they are there for! And you’ve done it for them a gazillion times right? Cash it in.  Not only did my girls come over mere minutes after said breakup, and drink wine with me until super late, but they rallied round me for the whole week post breakup ensuring I was out and about, and not home moping.  We also switched out our regular ladies night gay bar visit to a sports bar during gametime. Wow. Why didn’t we do that sooner?!?  My boypals did a great job cheering me up too for the record, and offered the all important male perspective necessary to proper closure.  Finally, if you’re close to your mom she’s obviously a great resource as well. She can remind you that you’ve gone through this more than a few times in the past decade or so, and it’s never been the end of the world, and you can begrudgingly acknowledge that she’s right. It’s a fun game. Try it.

Step 2: Gym it Up

You’re single again! So get your butt in some spandex and hit that treadmill. Not only will the workout make you feel better, it will ensure you aren’t sitting on your couch watching RomComs with your buddies Ben and Jerry. You’re gonna bounce back pretty quickly and when you do, you want to be ready to put on a cute little ensemble and get back out there looking goooood.  I actually got dragged to a group run the day after the breakup and I bitched and moaned about it every second of the way. Then at the end of the run, 2 guys asked the coach for info on me, and 1 even found me on facebook. Who knew heartache made me look so hot?!

Step 3: Take a Road Trip

This is a great time to cash in a sick day and take a trip somewhere. Preferably one where you can drive in silence for a while, and clear your head.  Go ahead. Call in. You’re useless while you’re in a sad fog so it’s in your best interest to get a little distance from your current heartache so you can get back.

(Attn: HR I used a genuine vacation day and got it approved in advance!)

I went down to Palm Springs, but maybe you need a crazy weekend in Vegas. Or a ski trip. Or just an aimless drive up the coast. Doesn’t really matter where you go, I promise you’ll already be feeling better on the drive home.

Step 4: Reinvent Yourself

Once you get back, you’re ready for the cleansing to be formalized in a new look. I totally own that this is a huge cliché, but I always like to dye my hair when I want to signify that I’m making a change. (I also like to dye my hair for no reason at all so it’s not as big a deal as it might sound. ) There’s just something about looking at a new version of me in the mirror that helps me embrace the whole starting over thang.

Special note: this is especially embarrassing because they just highlighted this common post breakup step on Grey’s Anatomy (Alex calls Little Grey out for dying her hair blonde after things fall apart with McSteamy) but I’m gonna toss it in here anyway.

Bye Bye Red and Hello Chocolate!

Step 5: Make Decisions

Are you gonna try to stay in contact with this dude and be friends? Or cut it clean? Are you keeping his stuff as a parting gift, leaving it on his porch, or burning it? I don’t recommend the latter, but whatever you elect, the choice feels better when it’s yours.  Especially if you didn’t instigate the breakup. So make it quick, before he makes it for you. All conventional wisdom aside, I normally try to shoot for staying friends, barring him cheating on me, being a total asshole, or us just not really having much to transition into a platonic relationship.  And most of those guys I kept around are now the people who helped me through Step 1. What better people to remind you that you’re awesome than the ones that decided you were worth keeping around even when sex was off the table?!

Optional Step 6: Sign Up for Online Dating (again).

Since I met my ex on Match I figured I’d mix it up and restart the OkCupid profile that has sat dormant since 2006 (I’m an early online dating adopter remember). Less than a week in and I’ve already got 2 super cute, self deprecating, cat loving, vintage shop frequenting, gainfully employed guys requesting access to my calendar.  Even if you’re not ready to start dating again yet, the flattery never hurt anyone. So just sign up and enjoy the attention.

Ok. Ready. Set. Go.

Let the healing begin!

xoxo,

Miss T

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Posted in love&money | 2 Comments »

Tiger’s Apology

Friday, February 19th, 2010

by Sarah

Tiger Woods hugs his mother this morning

SO. What were your thoughts about Tiger Woods’ statement this morning? While we didn’t feel like anything monumental happened, we still sat glued to the TV for the entire 13 1/2 minutes.
A couple of points. Elin wasn’t there. That speaks volumes.
While we did appreciate his focus on how this scandal has impacted his wife and children, we thought, as a whole, the speech was pretty canned. Still, at the same time, it was pretty candid of him to actually say “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated…What I did was not acceptable.” But just once we’d like to hear one of these guys in the hot seat attempt to write their own speech– it sure would feel a lot more sincere.
It kinda bothered us, too, when he raised his voice (I mean he seemed spitting mad) about the press needing to respect the privacy of his family. OK, yes, they should, but hold on buddy– you’re the reason your family’s in this mess, and you’re the one who threw them to the wolves a long time ago. So cool it with your misplaced, overly prideful anger.
We know the guy’s got a pretty intense God complex, but we appreciated his honesty about it, acknowledging how drunk on power and fame he became– to the point where he believed he was above worldly repercussions.
Also, we liked the part where he told us Elin said the only way he can prove himself now and in the future is by letting his actions speak for him. Cuz we know those lies he told FOR YEARS have stripped his words of any weight they might once have had. That said, we’re conflicted by Elin staying with him– this is a huge trial for a marriage to endure. Huge. How could it get much worse? Perhaps she’s telling herself the worst is behind her. Mmm, prolly not honey. We think it’s time to cut and run. You’re 30, you’re gorgeous, you’ve got 2 beautiful kids and you’re rich as sin. Better pastures await! (more…)

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Posted in celebrity&lifestyle, love&money | 1 Comment »

V-Day Treats for the Girls

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

If the abundance of heart shaped candy in the grocery store and the excess number of Victoria Secret ads haven’t tipped you off, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Unfortunately, the day that’s a celebration of love can easily turn into one of frustration either with your significant other or because you don’t have one. Instead of unnecessary stress, use the day as an excuse to shower a little much needed love on yourself and your girlfriends.

1. This recession can put a damper on travel plans, but it doesn’t mean you still can’t run away…. Even if it’s only to your shower. Treat yourself to a LaLicious Scrub and Butter set in transporting scents like Coconut Cream, Lily Mango, Passionfruit Lime, Island Guava and Tahitian Flower. Enter the code Vday25 at check out for 25% off and get ready to feel the island breeze (now if only the cabana boy were included.)

2. Have a friend who just can’t get over her ex? Help her let go of those feelings once and for all with Lush’s Ex factor Bath Bomb. This little blue gingerbread man will fizzle your bath and go down the drain, just like all remaining thoughts of the relationship should!

3. One thing you can be happy about is that you don’t have a boyfriend who’s “gift” to you is too-tight lingerie. Instead, give a little sex appeal to yourself and your girlfriends with a Hanky Panky Thong wrapped like a long stem rose. Flattering, comfortable and sexy, this is a must have for all the women in your life.

4. Rather than wasting calories on a heart shaped box of so-so chocolate, try Jane Iredale’s ChocohoLICKs. These adorable lip balms come wrapped in those little paper cups just like their calorie laden alternative, so feel free to treat yourself to Truffle, Carmel, Strawberry Cream, and Chocolate Orange. Extra bonus… the experts say food is the way to a man’s heart…

5. One of the most relaxing ways to end a long day is a bubble bath, so try Not Soap, Radio’s Bath and Shower Bubbles in The Stuff that Cupid Dips His Arrows In. You’ll love the ginseng and passion scent, and it even has pheromone activation, so get ready, soon even that pizza delivery boy will want to be making it dinner for two.

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Posted in love&money | 1 Comment »

Ways to Send Aid to Haiti

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

In the wake of the Haitian earthquake, it’s hard to find many positives, but one is the way that people are donating in droves. (Time, money, blood.) If you’re looking for an outlet to donate to, I have a few suggestions.

Kid Dangerous T-Shirt

The State Department has set up a donation-by-text system. Text “Haiti” to 90999 and $10 will immediately be donated to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts. You will see the additional charge on your cell phone bill. The Red Cross (now, as always) can use donations that will be used effectively for medical assistance. Click here for details on how to give through the website.

Also, L.A.-based T-Shirt line, Kid Dangerous Grime Couture, designed the “HELP HAITI” tee, with 100% of proceeds going to the One Dome At A Time Emergency Fund. The price has been discounted to $35 in hopes of selling more. T-shirts are available for pre-order on the Kid Dangerous website and will be available for delivery by January 22nd.

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Posted in love&money | 2 Comments »

Updating Your Closet Decor on a Budget

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

By Lisa Adams

In the last few years, closets have become a status symbol.  Flip through the pages of home décor magazines, and you can easily find features on plush, tricked out celebrity closets.  If a custom closet is beyond your means, there are some easy and low cost ways of adding the same luxury into your closet. Here are some of my recommendations:

-       ACCENTS: Pick a few plush looking accents from the flea market or Salvation Army – from pillows and rugs to paintings or lamps.  Your eye will be drawn to that unique, more-than-likely antique piece.

-       PAINT: Add a bright color to one wall of your closet to add spunk and high energy, or use cool shapes like grays, blues and purples to promote relaxation.

-       HANDLES & KNOBS: Pick out cool handles and knobs to bring a touch of style and luxury to your closet.  There are fabulous leather and stainless steel options.

-       MIRROR: Add a full-length mirror to the dead space.  It’ll make the room feel bigger and open up the space.

-       SEATING: If you have the room, add a sitting area.  The seat could be used for lounging or for putting on your shoes.  The sitting area makes the closet a true living space.

-       LIGHTING: Lighting is very important when picking out your outfit and getting dressed.  Pay attention to the lighting to make sure it is natural and not overpowering. Also, use natural lighting whenever possible. It flatters more and saves on cost.

-       DRAWER LINERS: Lining your drawers either with cedar, lavender or even pretty paper is a beautiful, cheap and great motivator for keeping things neat and orderly.

-       HANGERS: Don’t skimp on the hangers.  Make them uniform for each type of clothing.  It’s a good investment in the long run because your clothes retain their shape, and don’t snag or become ruined.

-       STACKABLE SHOE RACKS: Get your shoes off of the floor and organize them with chrome stackable racks.  With a simple expandable two-tiered design, you can store more shoes in a limited space.

-       SLIDING SHELF DIVIDERS: Bookends for your closet. These sliding shelf dividers come in various heights and depths and are perfect to keep rows of sweaters stacked like in a boutique.

-       DOUBLE HANGING RODS: Without having to overhaul your tight closet, these double rods add function to wasted space by providing two layers of hanging space instantaneously.

The products above can be found at: laclosetdesign.com.

Lisa Adams is the owner of LA Closet Design and an interior designer who brings a fashionable aesthetic to all her projects.

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Posted in love&money | 3 Comments »

Looking for Love? My Top 3 Bits of Relationship Advice in 2010

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Happy 2010 Blush readers! 

A new year is always a good time for resolutions, fresh starts and analysis paralysis. I’m sure all you single folk joined me in making a dating blunder or two last year and I’m here to offer up my past mistakes (and of course the mistakes of my gal pals) as examples of what not to do in 2010 if you’re looking for relationship bliss. Don’t forget you’ve only got about a month to secure your date for “Feel-Especially-Crappy-About-Being-Single-Day”, also referred to as Valentines Day, so time is of the essence to heed my wise words.

Image by Flickr User: Brandon Christopher Warren

Get Rid of Any Loose Ends

Ex boyfriends who sext you randomly, midnight booty calls, friends-with-benefits. Whatever you call ‘em, they’re barriers to you finding a new flame. You dumped them (or never started really dating them) for a reason right? So get them out of your life properly to make room for someone new.  I know it’s hard, because there’s something very comforting about having a steady stream of compliments, and knowing it won’t be months upon months before someone sees your new 600 thread count sheets, but it is an absolutely necessary step.

I’d like to note here that a special friend of mine named Nadine (who BTW keeps a delightful blog at JolieNadine.com  that you should subscribe to) recently sent me an email declaring the following:

Unfortunately, I think I need to “lose” the number of my comfy, strapping booty call.  Comfy, strapping booty calls: So 2009.

I concur. So, totes 2009.

Stop Looking in the Wrong Places

I’m not talking about sports bars vs. online dating here kids. I mean the types of guys you’re going for. Get smart and treat this as if it were a big purchase (think: car, not fabulous strappy shoes). Before you get your credit score checked for the new wheels you think about the future a bit right? You obviously consider the flashy exterior, color, size, shape (um, get your mind out of the gutter ladies) but you don’t commit without also factoring in mileage, consumer reviews and resale value.  Apply the same logic to those you date if you’re looking for someone with er, staying power.

The same Nadine mentioned above, who is gorgeous, smart and uber funny for the record (translation: may murder me for quoting her again), also made this statement:

Love is top of my priority list for 2010, so I’m trying to be smart about going after guys that are not completely lame i.e. no more of this: “He’s pretty!  Oh, he’s a waiter who makes $15,000 a year and lives on a couch?  Soulmate!”

Touché

Check that Baggage at the Door

Or, at least invest in an itty bitty carry on. Whatever your ex, or booty call, etc… did or didn’t do in the past, need have no bearing on your future relationship’s success.  Vilifying your ex is almost as bad as still being in love with him in terms of barriers to intimacy. So, if you spent some time in 2009 putting up walls to prevent yourself from getting hurt again, you might want to consider just making peace with your past. I realized over the summer that I’d classified my ex as an “evil genius” of sorts. This gave him a lot of power in my memory and made me constantly on the look out for more like him. Really, he was just kind of an A-hole. In abandoning that old view, I gave myself freedom to stop protecting my heart against the “evil genii” of the future.

And then I met someone pretty great. His name is Chris. Now I just need to try my best not to screw it up by “When-Did-My-Local-Italian Restaurant-Become-So-Frickin’-Expensive -Day.” Wish me luck!

xoxo,

Taryn

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