One of the things I like best about living in 2009 is that it’s no longer embarrassing to admit you go searching for love online.

Source: Flickr User net_efekt

Back in 2002, when I first joined Friendster, my parents were completely shocked that their attractive college grad would sink to such depths, and my roommate would make fun of me incessantly for my geeky dating habits.  A good friend of mine even got me a Friendster T-shirt from Urban Outfitters that read “I give good testimonial” on the back. Man do I wish I still had that shirt!!!  Needless to say I quickly made the switch to MySpace in 2003, along with the rest of the fast adopters, and got myself a cute Silver Lake boyfriend in no time. Since we parted (after 3 years of dating) I’ve met quite a few winners online and am definitely a fan of the medium.

Now as an English major, I love writing and email banter, and so for me, finding out in advance that someone can spell properly is sort of a requirement. I mean, when considering the potential father of your offspring it pays to be picky eh? Obviously the online dating world evolved, and I began to branch into sites that were more target market specific to find the man, or ahem men, of my dreams.  From J-Date to Match to Plenty of Fish, I’ve tried ‘em all (save eHarmony who rejected me! WTF right? ) and I’m here to share the wisdom of a sage with you newbies so you can skip the bad and embrace the good.

When embarking on your internet dating career you must realize that you will make a few mistakes and there will be a few casualties along the way.  Learning to read between the lines and identify the dogs on the page, instead of at the coffee shop or bar will save you a lot of time and annoyance.  As you start reviewing  your prospective dates’ profiles, here are the things to scan quickly before even considering them.

Pictures – Are any of the following true?

• Does he have shots that look like they were professionally taken?
  • Analysis:  He’s probably an actor or trying to be. Don’t date actors or wannabe actors. Just don’t.  Trust me. Unless you’re an actor too, in which case definitely don’t date him. There’s only room for one star in any healthy relationship.
• Does he have pics that appear to be taken in the mid 90’s or earlier? (check the clothes on him, or better yet any women pictured with him to determine the approximate year)
  • Analysis: He’s 2 decades older than he says he is. Ignore him. Even if you’d like a sugar daddy, you want  one that’s proud of his elevated years.
• Does he have pics that exclusively include him partying with his friends, doing keg stands, or body shots with Hooter’s waitresses?
  • Analysis: Sounds like a fun guy! Send him some scantily clad pictures of yourself that you took for your ex boyfriend before you broke up. *

* Um, just kidding.  Kinda. No seriously I’m kidding. Avoid this guy at all costs.

Profile – What do his responses for the following areas look like?

• Music – Does he have 800,000 bands listed? Are they in alphabetical order?
  • Analysis:  This guy defines himself way too seriously based on his musical tastes. He’ll probably attribute the same high level of judgement to your CD collection. You want the guy who lists a few of his favorites (even if they don’t match your taste) and understands that a person is more than their favorite band.  Even if you yourself are a music snob, you should avoid this guy. He’s trapped in 8^th grade.
• Hobbies – Does this guy do things? You know, outside and with other people?
  • Analysis: A guy who doesn’t have anything going on in life is someone that is looking for a girlfriend to give himself purpose. This is a recipe for disaster. Hello clingy! Look for evidence that this man has interests off of the internet, and preferably look for pictures on his profile that back up the hobbies he lists.  i.e. if he mentions he loves surfing but looks like he hasn’t seen sun in the last 6 months he may only be riding waves in his dreams.
• Language – Does your future online boyfriend abuse internet speak with lots of LOL’s or emoticons? Does he write super cute stuff in his “Who I wanna meet” section like “PlEazeee B my #1 HaWTie 4 mE”?
  • Analysis:  If it was the former, get ready for some serious baby talk after day 5 or your 2^nd date (whichever comes first). Unless you have a high tolerance for being someone’s “wittle bunny wabbit” I’d suggest you look for a guy who knows how to spell out actual words. The latter is just stupid. Period.

Height – Women lie about their weight, men lie about their height.  If he says he is 5’10, he is 5’7. Tops! Now that might not be a problem for you, but if you like a man who doesn’t stand shorter than you definitely always subtract a good 3 inches off his reported height. Which is ok for someone rocking a 5’1 bod like me, but may not work out for you amazon princesses out there.

Source: Flickr User Schaeferdesign1

If you do a thorough analysis of the above categories and you’re still not sure, do a little quick research. Many people reuse the same handle on every site. If he goes by “California DreamBoat” on Match, it’s likely he uses the same name on OkCupid. You might be able to get a clearer picture of who this guy is by comparing and contrasting his online profiles for consistency.

Then if he passes all the tests, or most of them at least, feel free to initiate contact!  Try not to get too excited though, remember the rules of playing hard to get still apply online.

Xoxo,

Taryn

Ps. Got any more tips on this subject? I’d LOVE to hear them. Post a comment!

Tags: dating, love

This entry was posted on Friday, October 9th, 2009 at 10:05 am and is filed under love&money. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.